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random159350's favorite FMLs
Today, I helped an elderly woman push her grocery cart around the store, and look for her vehicle after she'd paid. After we spent ages wandering around trying to find her car, she remembered that she'd taken the bus today. FML
by Anonymous / 05/16/2014 at 3:02pm / Canada (Newfoundland) / Miscellaneous
by (not) fucked / 05/16/2014 at 12:01pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I finally decided to get my five-year-old son a rabbit, so I explained to him how to take care of it. When I'd finished listing all the things he'd have to do, he replied, "That's too complicated... Couldn't we just eat it instead?" FML
by Anonyme / 05/16/2014 at 3:55am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals
Today, on my way to Burger King I got into a heated discussion with my wife about our cats. We have 15 rescues, and I've reached my limit. Guess what came running up to my car while waiting in the drive-through. We named him Pickles. FML
by cat whisperer / 03/20/2014 at 12:31am / United States / Animals
Today, I was making a special birthday delivery for a customer. As I handed her the fruit basket, I said, "Hey, we have the same birthday! Happy birthday!" She called me an attention whore and slammed the door in my face. FML
by Ma_Nikka / 03/19/2014 at 9:38pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, my boyfriend stormed out after I suggested to him that his relationship with his mother is maybe a little weird. Apparently having regular, hour-long phone discussions about your penis is a perfectly normal thing for a 23-year-old to have with his mother. FML
by tiredofcrazy / 03/18/2014 at 5:14am / Australia / Intimacy
Today, I decided to clean my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
by Shiva / 03/18/2014 at 4:46am / France (Poitou-Charentes) / Animals
Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML
by Bandking / 03/17/2014 at 5:48pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by outthelabyrynth / 03/17/2014 at 3:41pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Work
by IMAWAKE / 03/17/2014 at 3:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by NotInTheRightPlace / 03/17/2014 at 2:18pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by emmaavk88 / 03/17/2014 at 8:15am / United Arab Emirates / Animals
by JustClaire95 / 03/17/2014 at 7:58am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML
by BondingTime / 03/17/2014 at 5:51am / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
by naesha / 03/16/2014 at 9:40pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love
- Today, I summoned up the courage to tell my crush how I've felt about her for the past two years. I… Today, I checked the app I had used during the night. It's supposed to record you while you sleep… Today, while having sex with my husband, he went soft. When I asked him what happened he said, "I'm…