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rairai's favorite FMLs
by peachykeen / 02/14/2016 at 8:05pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when halfway through, he leaned over to grab his cup of hot coffee off the nightstand. He then attempted to drink it and spilled most of it on me. He never stopped thrusting the whole time, and wanted to continue after. FML
by Anonymous / 09/21/2015 at 9:00am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML
by smellyhair / 11/02/2014 at 6:28am / United Kingdom / Health
by gag reflex / 08/16/2014 at 12:03pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML
by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I was using my phone while in a crowded waiting room, and I accidentally tapped on a YouTube video with the volume still at maximum. The first words everyone heard? "Fuck her right in the pussy!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2014 at 5:32pm / United States (Texas) / Geek
Today, while driving out to the countryside with my new boyfriend, we came across a deer lying in the road. It seemed badly hurt, but instead of letting me get out and make sure, my boyfriend decided to just run over its head to finish it off, then continued driving with a smirk on his face. FML
by dating a big bag of dicks / 05/13/2014 at 5:02pm / United States / Animals
Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML
by BakedBat / 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by heyadrian / 02/20/2014 at 11:06am / United States (California) / Health
Today, at work, a customer asked me to unlock the restroom for them. I honestly couldn't figure out which gender they were, but I didn't want to be rude and ask, so I took a chance. I unlocked the wrong one. FML
by elizabethkalyn / 02/10/2014 at 3:48pm / United States (Indiana) / Work
by gimmeafknbreak / 01/17/2014 at 6:59pm / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy
Today, I ate some amazing homemade brownies that my best friend's wife made for us. She waited till I'd shoved a third one into my mouth before she mentioned she made them with breast milk. Knowing her, I don't even doubt it was true. FML
by Anonymous / 01/02/2014 at 3:36pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Miscellaneous
by Lonesome / 01/01/2014 at 1:41am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML
by thisisavirus.exe / 12/31/2013 at 3:57pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I’m in China for work. All my work is stored in my Google Drive, directly via the internet.… Today, I travelled in a shared taxi on the winding roads of the Peruvian Andes. The guy next to me…