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rachelxpenguins

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rachelxpenguins
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  • Number of visits : 569
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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rachelxpenguins's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML

#20494543
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34045) - you deserved it (3009)

On 02/05/2013 at 3:19pm - misc - by Experience (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

#20470936
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42457) - you deserved it (3656)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:48am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, my kitten tried jumping into a hot oven, a dryer, a dishwasher, a toilet, and a fish-tank. Curiosity is going to kill my cat. FML

#20470154
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29872) - you deserved it (3095)

On 01/20/2013 at 8:47pm - animals - by AnonCat (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

#20451560
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28704) - you deserved it (8472)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Slovakia

Today, my roommate turned the thermostat down to 50 degrees. Why? Because she read that shivering burns calories. FML

#20200383
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20163) - you deserved it (1568)

On 12/11/2012 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

#20193303
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18029) - you deserved it (3220)

On 12/06/2012 at 12:35am - work - by SpanishInFrenchClass (woman) - United States

Today, while at a red light, a guy in a tux and sunglasses doing the Gangnam Style passed over the crossing, followed by a man with a video camera. This isn't the first time I've stopped for people doing a Gangnam Style parody. FML

#20165330
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19945) - you deserved it (3249)

On 11/16/2012 at 10:52am - misc - by Gangnam (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I came home to find that my girlfriend had repainted my bedroom. As she had offered to do it, it shouldn't have been a problem. However, she decided to return the several unopened cans of off-white paint that I'd bought for something "more neutral." Like "Sunset Orange." FML

#20165039
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13914) - you deserved it (1810)

On 11/16/2012 at 12:51am - misc - by spaceforrent - United States

Today, at archery practice, I jokingly said that I'd kiss the next person to get a bullseye. They all made a point of missing their targets, some even shooting their arrows way off to the side. FML

#20146224
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19143) - you deserved it (6528)

On 11/03/2012 at 8:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife confused terminology from my religion with stuff from Harry Potter. FML

#20127336
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7836) - you deserved it (11566)

On 10/21/2012 at 9:21pm - misc - by nickw177 (man) - United States

Today, I walked into work, after having given my boss a weather prediction last week, so he could decide on which day to open a new company division. I was immediately taken aside and written up for "providing false information, adversley impacting morale". FML

#20122652
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14774) - you deserved it (1673)

On 10/18/2012 at 3:40pm - work - by johnnyfuckfacer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

#20118693
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23373) - you deserved it (2950)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

#20071956
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18028) - you deserved it (1899)

On 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by -___- (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was called into my son's school because he had got into a fist-fight with another pupil and I had to take him home. He clammed up about the reason behind the fight, until I finally managed to coax it out of him: the other kid is in "Hufflepuff" and he's in "Ravenclaw." FML

#20070089
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22068) - you deserved it (3683)

On 09/13/2012 at 10:31am - kids - by PissOffPottermore (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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