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purplesockmonkey

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purplesockmonkey
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 29
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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purplesockmonkey's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML

#20778274
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45819) - you deserved it (6712)

On 07/12/2013 at 7:18pm - kids - by So little trust. (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48960) - you deserved it (8617)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

#20664572
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49269) - you deserved it (8664)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:08am - misc - by asdffhhjk (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached over and twisted my nipples to the point of tears. I'm still not sure what in the name of Dawkins I did to deserve that. FML

#20586964
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32647) - you deserved it (12868)

On 04/12/2013 at 7:57pm - misc - by SoreNips (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

#20566988
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18370) - you deserved it (48205)

On 03/30/2013 at 2:17pm - misc - by fuck you dad (man) - Ireland (Monaghan)

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

#20562056
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35416) - you deserved it (3737)

On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my friend showed me a video of me in a nightclub. I was holding two Skittles vodka shots and shouting, "Red and green, merry Kwanzaa!" The shots were yellow and purple. I can't remember that night at all. FML

Today, I bought some bitter-apple spray to stop my puppy chewing on everything. Later, I found out how effective it was, when I tried to eat a sandwich, and gagged at the horrifying taste on my hands. My dog seems unaffected, and continues to chew the table legs. FML

#20057573
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17205) - you deserved it (3334)

On 09/04/2012 at 4:34pm - animals - by badwolf (man) - United States

Today, I realized that all the times I checked behind the shower curtain before peeing didn't prepare me for what to do if someone was actually there. FML

#19616275
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28141) - you deserved it (3354)

On 05/13/2012 at 11:12am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was the 10th caller on a radio show. I answered the question correctly. The DJ informed I won a free air guitar of my choosing. I yelled with excitement over the air. The DJ then instructed me how to use my new air guitar. FML

#19245135
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8322) - you deserved it (27524)

On 03/09/2012 at 11:55am - misc - by h4rdy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to eat the orange I'd brought to work, but couldn't find it. After minutes searching, I found it. Nailed to the ceiling. FML

#18517264
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23265) - you deserved it (2318)

On 12/15/2011 at 1:57am - work - by Username - United States (California)

Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML

#17853519
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32257) - you deserved it (2560)

On 09/28/2011 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Sabraynay -

Today, my husband bought a horse. We don't own any furniture, but we have a flippin' horse. FML

#15317842
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48018) - you deserved it (6233)

On 03/15/2011 at 2:01am - money - by neverthefirst -

Today, I realized that I'll have to explain to my child that mommy and daddy met on World of Warcraft. FML

#14376347
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14050) - you deserved it (47181)

On 12/29/2010 at 12:20am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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