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puppyXluvz123's favorite FMLs
by OPhere / 04/15/2013 at 3:37am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML
by Andrew / 08/23/2011 at 10:46am / United States / Intimacy
by bursteardrums / 08/16/2011 at 11:00am / United Kingdom (Devon) / Miscellaneous
Today, a customer had an allergic reaction to the almonds in the sundae I made for her. We're supposed to put the almonds on unless the customer asks otherwise. She complained to my boss that I'd poisoned her. FML
by Unemployed / 06/02/2011 at 12:40am / United States / Work
Today, I got chickenpox. I'm 28 and having chickenpox as an adult is excruciatingly painful. When I told my boss I wasn't going to be at work today because of chickenpox he replied, "That's the worst excuse I've ever heard. Adults don't get chickenpox." He then fired me. FML
by Pox / 02/03/2011 at 10:19pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, while running late to my sister's wedding and rushing to get ready, I accidentally grabbed my travel size shaving cream can in place of my body spray, and quickly drew a blue foaming line across my rental tux. FML
by Anonymous / 05/28/2010 at 2:07pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
by WOCOACH / 09/09/2009 at 3:33pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, is my boyfriend and my 3 year anniversary. We decided to give each other something that we really needed. I bought him the $300 worth of books that he needed for college. He surprised me with a workout video and exercise equipment. FML
by fmlgirl / 04/25/2009 at 2:41pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Damm / 01/24/2009 at 2:05pm / United States (New York) / Health
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