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potterhead7's favorite FMLs
by wtf did he do / 07/19/2015 at 5:02am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous
Today, my long-distance boyfriend arrived, took off my bra and told my boobs, "I missed you guys", then took off my panties and said, "Hey buddy" to my vagina before saying he missed me to my face. FML
by Hey_Buddy_ / 06/10/2015 at 11:38pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML
by anonymous / 05/05/2015 at 1:41am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, a guy at work told me I look like a famous celebrity. I was flattered, until he remembered the celebrity's name: Steve Buscemi. That wouldn't be a compliment, even if I weren't a 24-year-old woman. FML
by Anonymous / 05/02/2015 at 11:55am / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML
by Anonymous / 02/07/2015 at 9:33am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend tried to justify having a one night stand with some other guy, with the words, "I'm on my period, okay?!" She acted like I was crazy when I asked how the fuck that made any sense. FML
by Anonymous / 02/06/2015 at 3:10pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML
by valarmorgoolies / 02/06/2015 at 1:51pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by DreamsDontComeTrue / 02/05/2015 at 1:15am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancée told me about her new diet. Apparently, she is only going to drink water and tan in a tanning bed so she can photosynthesise. She thinks this will help her lose weight, since she doesn't have to eat anything. I'm dating a dumbass. FML
by lucas90 / 02/04/2015 at 4:42pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Love
by Lunab123 / 01/31/2015 at 9:43pm / United States (Maryland) / Health
by fartje / 01/25/2015 at 1:21pm / Netherlands / Work
Today, my boyfriend uploaded a pic to snapchat that said "the love of my life." It was a pic of our beautiful baby girl. Then he uploaded another pic that said "the 2nd love of my life." It was a pic of the fuel truck he drives for work. FML
by Anonymous / 01/23/2015 at 1:33am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by annoyed / 01/22/2015 at 3:23pm / United States (California) / Health
by Halloween Fail / 10/31/2014 at 11:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML
by anonymous / 10/31/2014 at 7:28pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…