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Offline (the 01/16/2015 at 5:52am) | Search for a member
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You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML
Today, after sending in my passport application for a trip to Paris, I got a letter from the state department saying despite them having my original birth certificate, I don't exist. Upon calling them, I was told that it only proves I'm a citizen, not that I exist. I pay taxes and have a mortgage. FML
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
Today, my boyfriend, who is a great cook, decided to try his hand at baking. The cookies he made looked weird but tasted good. I jokingly said, "They taste great, but they look awful!" He responded by saying, "I could say the same thing about you." FML
Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
Tuesday 3 March 2015