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pinkvoltage's favorite FMLs
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm / United States / Health
by FootFlakes / 04/09/2013 at 1:58pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML
by Evalynne / 04/06/2013 at 8:55am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML
by fuck you dad / 03/30/2013 at 2:17pm / Ireland (Monaghan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML
by kindergarten teacher / 03/23/2013 at 9:25am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2013 at 12:57am / United States (Missouri) / Love
by Experience / 02/05/2013 at 3:19pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
by Anonymous / 09/14/2012 at 10:50am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML
by Anonymous / 08/27/2010 at 5:15am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, my cat kept sneezing all morning so I took her to the vet. $150 later and the vet says she's fine. I get home and the noise starts up again. My automatic air freshener spray sounds just like my cat sneezing. FML
by catlover / 05/20/2009 at 5:07am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
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- Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the… Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job."… Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to try something new. By something new, it was to put flour in…
- Today, I ran an experiment perfectly in lab. I was the last in my class to finish and proud of how… Today, I found my daughters hiding spot. Yeah there was dolls, matchbox cars and coloring markers.… Today, I visited a new tattoo parlor, as my previous artist made me uncomfortable with his drunken,…
- Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,… Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I… Today, during a family dinner with my grandparents, I showed them some pictures. One was a picture…