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phew's favorite FMLs
by SadMother / 10/04/2014 at 3:52pm / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy
Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML
by runsinthefamily / 10/04/2014 at 12:31pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, my allergies flared up and I started sneezing. I guess my girlfriend was having a bad day, because she lost her shit and started telling me how annoying I am and how I can never do anything right. I'm not sure if we're still a couple, because she stormed out and won't answer my calls. FML
by Anonymous / 10/04/2014 at 11:17am / Denmark / Health
by Anonymous / 10/04/2014 at 10:58am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, I thought I would be cute for my 1 year anniversary with my girlfriend so I cooked a three course meal for her with candles and rose petals on the floor. She loved the dinner, except now she's passed out in a food coma upstairs while I'm left with the dishes. FML
by cuteloser / 10/04/2014 at 9:57am / Australia / Love
by Anonymous / 10/04/2014 at 8:11am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by Disappointed / 10/03/2014 at 11:08pm / Health
by Anonymous / 10/03/2014 at 9:41pm / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/03/2014 at 6:14pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, a customer was looking for some decking materials. I took her around the store and pointed out some nice plywood, noting that it's also fire-retardant, which might interest her. She got pissed off and bitched me out for supposedly calling her a retard. FML
by hopeless / 10/03/2014 at 5:13pm / Canada / Work
Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML
by Anonymous / 10/03/2014 at 4:43pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids
by sisterofthebride / 10/03/2014 at 4:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by oncehipjr / 10/03/2014 at 3:04pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by 1039583 / 10/03/2014 at 10:43am / United States (Utah) / Work
by whydoidothis / 10/03/2014 at 7:29am / United Kingdom / Work