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phew's favorite FMLs
by wtfmom / 10/07/2014 at 5:10pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, my little sister decided the best way to cheat on a test is to take someone else's test, scratch through their name in pencil, and write her name underneath. She starts high school next semester. FML
by Anonymous / 10/07/2014 at 12:06pm / United States / Kids
Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML
by Waterfalls / 10/07/2014 at 7:33am / United States (California) / Health
by whywouldyoudothat / 10/06/2014 at 9:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
by thanks babe / 10/06/2014 at 7:47pm / United Kingdom (Shropshire) / Love
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2014 at 7:41pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML
by thenewgirl / 10/06/2014 at 7:05pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML
by SaintGoobers / 10/06/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by kittenfish8903 / 10/06/2014 at 3:46pm / United States / Love
by eh / 10/06/2014 at 3:12pm / Azerbaijan (Baki) / Miscellaneous
Today, as a limo driver, I had to drive 8 guys for a night-out from their wives. I put the Michigan/Rutgers game on the radio, thinking they would appreciate that. Apparently, they wanted to listen to their "pump-up" songs instead, which were mostly Katy Perry songs. FML
by theseguysarewhipped... / 10/06/2014 at 11:05am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML
by PickYourselfUp / 10/05/2014 at 11:17pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by FML / 10/05/2014 at 7:30pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/05/2014 at 12:02pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Love