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phew's favorite FMLs
by gettinghotinhere / 10/17/2014 at 2:29pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by katsaysner / 10/17/2014 at 1:56pm / United States (Maine) / Work
Today, I rode my new motorcycle to work for the first time. As I accelerated, I felt a sharp pain in my neck. Apparently, poisonous spiders can actually get trapped inside motorbike helmets. Duly noted. FML
by thelordofpies / 10/17/2014 at 11:24am / United States / Animals
Today, while out for dinner with my parents, a woman, approximately the same age as my mother, repeatedly propositioned me for sex during the course of my meal. After declining firmly several times, she only stopped after my mother convinced her I was gay. FML
by Anonymous / 10/17/2014 at 6:13am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy
by axewoman / 10/17/2014 at 4:14am / Love
by highfive / 10/16/2014 at 9:27pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/16/2014 at 9:10pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by karmaaa / 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm / United States (Iowa) / Transportation
Today, I walked into my house and saw it was flooded. I went upstairs to the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing and my boyfriend holding my dog over it so he could drink it. My boyfriend said he didn't know what else to do. FML
by anonymous / 10/16/2014 at 4:53pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by not saying it was whores, but... / 10/16/2014 at 4:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife yelled at me for being a bastard and not caring about her needs. I felt like an asshole and apologized for everything. It took me a few hours to realize I'd basically just apologized for unknowingly hanging the toilet paper the "wrong way" for her OCD. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2014 at 3:30pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/16/2014 at 1:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, the steroids I was prescribed for a slightly irritating sinus infection have worked, albeit at the price of making me almost shit my pants multiple times. My sinuses are now clear enough that I get the full scent of my steroid-induced diarrhea. FML
by roidrager / 10/16/2014 at 12:44pm / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, I and a coworker got bitched out and suspended by our boss after our computers got infected with a weird porn virus. It soon turned out the virus had come from our boss' infected memory stick. Did he apologize? No. Is our suspension still in force? Yes. FML
by shatfjord / 10/10/2014 at 6:34pm / United States (New York) / Work
by epic174 / 10/07/2014 at 6:15pm / United States / Holidays