About phew : These are words.
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phew's favorite FMLs
Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML
by youngboob / 10/21/2014 at 11:42am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
by Bald / 10/21/2014 at 11:41am / Turkey (Istanbul) / Kids
Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML
by Anonymos_fmler / 10/20/2014 at 8:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I volunteered to tutor a 17-year-old girl in science. I had to explain in detail of what the real Big Bang theory was, as she only knew about the show. Later, I heard I was reported by her because apparently, "I was trying to convert her to Scientology." I now know why she needed a tutor. FML
by sushipanda9 / 10/20/2014 at 8:07pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML
by Bartender / 10/20/2014 at 5:04pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work
by bstent / 10/20/2014 at 3:11pm / United States / Love
by Chansus10 / 10/20/2014 at 11:03am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
Today, after months of job hunting, I started a new job in a deli. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13, but it was the only job I could find. Turns out, I'm allergic to the preservatives they use, as my fingers now resemble sausages. Guess it's time to start job hunting again. FML
by NateTheGreat132 / 10/20/2014 at 7:59am / United States (New York) / Work
by bye loser / 10/20/2014 at 5:28am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by ColdStones / 10/20/2014 at 4:50am / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my annoying colleague gasped, wrapped her arms around herself, started sweating and curled up in a ball crying, "No, no, no" in front of several customers. They accused me of 'setting her off', when I blurted out, "Sorry, she gets panic attacks". All I did was say the word 'abortion'. FML
by Anonymous / 10/20/2014 at 4:31am / United Kingdom / Work
by Anonymous / 10/18/2014 at 2:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a football game with my boyfriend. I said my hands were getting cold, hoping he'd hold them. He replied, "Uh, they make pockets for a reason..." and physically showed me how to put my hands in my pockets. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2014 at 10:53am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Queensland / 10/18/2014 at 3:20am / Australia / Transportation
Today, I sent my fiancé a sexy picture while I was at work. I never got a response from him, so I gave him a call after a while. His 9-year-old son answered. Apparently he was getting a haircut at the time. FML
by melissa1028 / 10/17/2014 at 10:23pm / United States / Intimacy