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phew's favorite FMLs
by jessiejaybee / 11/18/2014 at 5:41am / United States / Love
Today, I told my mom that my boyfriend, who I've been living with for a year, and I were moving to another state at the end of the month. I told her in a restaurant, over lunch, where she then just got up and left me there without saying a word. FML
by _RaeRae / 11/18/2014 at 4:26am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML
by blindsparrow / 11/18/2014 at 12:35am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, a customer said the pants she was buying rang up more than advertised. I quietly told her plus-sizes were not on sale. The customer yelled in front of a whole line of people, "So I'm fat and can't read! Any other insults you'd like to throw at me?" and stormed out of the store. FML
by HereToLaughAtU / 11/17/2014 at 11:16pm / United States (Iowa) / Work
Today, after realizing my flashcards had fallen out of my binder, I asked my teacher if I could quickly go to my locker to get them. She said no and told me to go sit down. As soon as class ended, I went to my locker and brought them to her. Her response? "Why didn't you ask me to get these during class?" FML
by ohgosh... / 11/17/2014 at 10:10pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
by phonebaby / 11/17/2014 at 8:04pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by back to cock-hunting / 11/15/2014 at 2:58pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, a customer limped over to me in one of the dishwasher aisles and asked if we sold dishwashers. I said yes and pointed at all the dishwashers. He looked around for a couple of seconds, belched, then said "Oh... right!" and walked off. No commission for me, then. FML
by ChimerV / 11/15/2014 at 1:20pm / France (Lorraine) / Work
Today, while driving to my daughter's wedding, the person behind us kept laying on her horn and yelling every time I stopped for a red light. That person was my wife. Sadly I'm too whipped to stand up to her and spent the whole drive pretending not to hear my passengers snickering at me. FML
by Anonymous / 11/15/2014 at 10:23am / Australia (Queensland) / Transportation
by coveholli / 11/15/2014 at 9:43am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
Today, someone commented on my mother's memorial page on my blog. It said "u need too get over it bitch" and "ur mum was a wh0re". I looked up the IP address and found the comment was posted from my own wifi. The only other person who lives in my house is my girlfriend. FML
by Anonymous / 11/12/2014 at 12:21pm / United Kingdom (Redcar and Cleveland) / Love
Today, at the gym, some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill for not going fast enough, and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing, because he heard me from the other side of the room, and threatened to kill me. FML
by juggalomurderer59 / 11/12/2014 at 11:00am / United States / Health
by anonymous / 11/12/2014 at 12:21am / United States (Minnesota) / Love
by elsatheannoyed / 11/11/2014 at 11:34pm / United States (California) / Work
by ugh / 11/11/2014 at 10:31pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love