pheonixxe

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Offline (the 06/12/2015 at 8:58pm)

pheonixxe

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 14 March 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 347
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 4 posted

About pheonixxe : I am a ginger from Wyoming with an amazing girlfriend and an adorable kitten. That is all there is to know about me.

pheonixxe's page activity

Visits<b>shain1988</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 1:02pm<b>Pleonasm</b> - the 01/28/2014 at 5:30am<b>TourettesGuyFTW</b> - the 01/27/2014 at 6:02pm

pheonixxe's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

One ring to rule them all

You submitted an FML that was successfully published on the website. This makes you an exceptional human being.

See all of pheonixxe's badges

pheonixxe's favorite FMLs

Today, frustrated with my very energetic kids, I told them that if they dug a hole deep enough in the backyard, they'd find China. What they really found was the previous owner's dog. FML

by pheonixxe / 06/01/2015 at 6:45pm / United States (Wyoming) / Kids

Today, the babysitter not only clogged the toilet, they tried to unclog it with our vacuum cleaner hose. FML

by somebody / 05/31/2015 at 11:37pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while driving home from work, I saw my boyfriend mugging a woman on the sidewalk. FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2015 at 3:28am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

by Strainer / 05/23/2015 at 12:38am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2015 at 12:58pm / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

by Nikki / 05/12/2015 at 8:33pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got up feeling refreshed and positive for the first time in ages, so I happily threw my window open to greet the beautiful morning. A bee flew into my eye. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2015 at 10:41pm / Australia / Animals

Today, I managed to get my 4-year-old son to agree that, "cigarettes are poop." I was a lot less proud of myself when he pointed at a 6-foot bodybuilder-type dude in the subway and yelled, "That man smells of pooooooop." FML

by Insanity / 04/09/2015 at 1:28am / France (Centre) / Kids

Today, I walked in on my 17-year-old brother jerking it to a scene from the movie Frozen. Brain bleach, please. FML

by Anonymous / 04/08/2015 at 1:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I had to get stitches in my vagina due to an unfortunate mishap while climbing a fence. FML

by burnswhenipee / 04/07/2015 at 8:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my teacher took my test along with another student's and gave us both a zero. Why? Because we both have colds so when we breathe through our nose it makes a sniffle noise. She thought we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. FML

by Mr. Sniffles / 03/23/2015 at 11:43am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, some homeless person came up to the window and started doing a voice-over. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up this morning in a panic. Last night, I heard scratching at my door, but I thought it was just my cat and went back to sleep. This morning, it hit me that my cat is 600 miles away living with my mom in Iowa. I'm terrified to even sleep now. FML

by no salt, no burning, just STFU / 03/08/2015 at 10:41am / United States / Animals

Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2015 at 4:04am / Australia / Health

Today, I found out my dad ate my rabbit when I was 6 years old. He'd told me it ran away. I can't be mad at my dad; he's been dead for 5 years. FML

by jackskellington / 02/10/2015 at 11:34pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals