About pheonixxe : I am a ginger from Wyoming with an amazing girlfriend and an adorable kitten. That is all there is to know about me.
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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pheonixxe's favorite FMLs
by pheonixxe / 06/01/2015 at 6:45pm / United States (Wyoming) / Kids
by somebody / 05/31/2015 at 11:37pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/30/2015 at 3:28am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Strainer / 05/23/2015 at 12:38am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML
by Anonymous / 05/18/2015 at 12:58pm / Australia / Intimacy
Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML
by Nikki / 05/12/2015 at 8:33pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/15/2015 at 10:41pm / Australia / Animals
Today, I managed to get my 4-year-old son to agree that, "cigarettes are poop." I was a lot less proud of myself when he pointed at a 6-foot bodybuilder-type dude in the subway and yelled, "That man smells of pooooooop." FML
by Insanity / 04/09/2015 at 1:28am / France (Centre) / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/08/2015 at 1:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by burnswhenipee / 04/07/2015 at 8:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, my teacher took my test along with another student's and gave us both a zero. Why? Because we both have colds so when we breathe through our nose it makes a sniffle noise. She thought we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. FML
by Mr. Sniffles / 03/23/2015 at 11:43am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/14/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up this morning in a panic. Last night, I heard scratching at my door, but I thought it was just my cat and went back to sleep. This morning, it hit me that my cat is 600 miles away living with my mom in Iowa. I'm terrified to even sleep now. FML
by no salt, no burning, just STFU / 03/08/2015 at 10:41am / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 02/28/2015 at 4:04am / Australia / Health
by jackskellington / 02/10/2015 at 11:34pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals