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pattheaninal's FML badges
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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pattheaninal's favorite FMLs
Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML
by Dog_Lover / 12/18/2012 at 10:30am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/10/2012 at 5:40pm / Sweden (Vastmanlands Lan) / Animals
Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML
by hailey / 12/10/2012 at 12:10am / United States (Maryland) / Money
by Anonymous / 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, I was visiting my daughter, whose husband was still asleep at noon. I made a point of stomping around on the hardwood floor and speaking loudly to wake his lazy ass up. Turns out he's now working a 14-hour graveyard shift, and it has no negative effect on his shoe-throwing skills. FML
by mom / 12/06/2012 at 2:23pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a folder on my son's PC named "PussyPictures". I sat him down for a talk, only to be told they contained pictures of the James Bond character Pussy Galore, for his essay about sexism in movies. He's now mocking me for "having a dirty mind". FML
by Anonymous / 10/27/2012 at 3:28pm / Germany (Bayern) / Kids
by Monkey / 10/27/2012 at 11:02am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was writing out palm cards and didn't know if I'd spelled a word correctly, so I stared at it for about 10 seconds waiting for spell check to tell me if it was right or not before I realised I was writing on paper. FML
by katier8295 / 10/27/2012 at 8:43am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
by Cslouth / 10/27/2012 at 12:04am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML
by SoSexy / 10/07/2012 at 6:25am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by banj0 / 10/06/2012 at 6:58pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals
by didntknowyoucouldbreakit / 10/06/2012 at 4:29pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
by The Last Cockbender / 10/06/2012 at 1:09pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work
by Valentine_Beauty / 10/06/2012 at 4:58am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided… Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I… Today, I was dressing in my apartment when I noticed I left the blinds open. Outside, a maintenance…