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oxythemoron

Offline (the 06/27/2015 at 7:44am) | Search for a member

oxythemoron

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 584
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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oxythemoron's page activity

Visits<b>ElMungia</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 2:57am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 3:39pm<b>BigJoeZD</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 9:23am<b>AngryRussianGuy</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 1:45pm<b>Nordrag</b> - the 05/25/2014 at 1:27am<b>kl08</b> - the 04/03/2014 at 8:19am<b>whyme203</b> - the 02/07/2014 at 11:00pm<b>1PersonIsMyWorld</b> - the 12/06/2013 at 11:38pm

oxythemoron's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

See all of oxythemoron's badges

oxythemoron's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to endure the most mortifying ambulance ride of my life after my fiancé's cock ring got stuck on my tongue piercing. As I was trying not to choke or vomit, he actually high-fived one of the EMTs and tried to get him to take a picture on his phone. FML

#21424446
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29461) - you deserved it (8576)

On 06/11/2015 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by awkward - United Kingdom (Dumfries and Galloway)

Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML

#21300031
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28568) - you deserved it (3350)

On 11/16/2014 at 4:44am - love - by tine - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

#21284275
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37796) - you deserved it (10997)

On 10/24/2014 at 6:54am - intimacy - by too good - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

#21262317
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44738) - you deserved it (7037)

On 09/21/2014 at 7:27am - intimacy - by Sinnersinner - United States (California)

Today, I let my coworker use my PC during lunch, because his was having problems. A few hours later, my boss called me into his office and gave me hell for apparently looking at furry porn during lunch break. He won't believe my explanation. For fuck's sake, Dave. FML

Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML

#21192543
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62351) - you deserved it (4833)

On 06/29/2014 at 1:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, less than a week after ranting to my husband about how sick some people are to sexualize characters from kids' TV shows, I looked through his browser history and found out he's very much into Powerpuff Girls porn. FML

#21192500
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42906) - you deserved it (8607)

On 06/29/2014 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML

#21188726
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47879) - you deserved it (5385)

On 06/26/2014 at 12:57am - animals - by Pisser (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

#21184387
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62606) - you deserved it (8916)

On 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm - intimacy - by possibly fucked (man) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, my brother got pantsed by his idiot friends. It was a surprise to everyone that he was wearing women's underwear at the time, but even more of a surprise for me that the underwear belonged to me. FML

#21175491
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47656) - you deserved it (4357)

On 06/15/2014 at 2:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a request to confirm our relationship on Facebook. She accepted, then changed her screen name into "His Hand". FML

#21169063
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52691) - you deserved it (11524)

On 06/10/2014 at 12:02am - love - by MiserableMan (man) - Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh)

Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom, both naked from the waist down. Supposedly, he was trying to "teach her how to pee standing up." FML

#21159254
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63979) - you deserved it (9317)

On 06/01/2014 at 11:51am - intimacy - by help me - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I burned my left breast with hot oil at work. Everyone's now calling me "toaster strudel" and singing "This girl is on fire" every time we cross paths. FML

#21154853
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40484) - you deserved it (5770)

On 05/28/2014 at 4:33pm - health - by angelamegan21 - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML

#21154562
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47707) - you deserved it (28551)

On 05/28/2014 at 12:28pm - kids - by outsmartedbykids (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML

#21152151
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47928) - you deserved it (6605)

On 05/26/2014 at 11:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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