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owlishes's FML badges
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
owlishes's favorite FMLs
Today, my mother still refuses to acknowledge my son as her grandson, all because I had a C-section, which she says is unnatural and against God's will. I only had the C-section in the first place for health reasons. FML
by Victoria / 07/12/2016 at 10:10am / Miscellaneous
Today, I reassured a close friend that he could tell me anything. Now all our conversations are almost exclusively about his kinks. Did you know a well-stretched human anus can hold an entire bag of jumbo marshmallows? FML
by faily_tales / 07/10/2016 at 8:37pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, as a dentist, I was performing simple tooth extraction when I realized that the X-ray was flipped the wrong way the whole time. I had to lie to the patient that the tooth that I accidently extracted needed to go as well. FML
by Anonymous / 06/28/2016 at 12:25am / Malaysia (Perak) / Work
by anal-retentive / 06/23/2016 at 4:00pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went to the bathroom in a mall. As I was in the stall, a woman tried to open it. I yelled out that's it was occupied but she kept shaking it to open it. It came up to the point where she had to crawl under the door to see that I was there. FML
by snazz23 / 06/13/2016 at 10:24am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my wife said she was going to her friend's place to help her with couponing. She started getting ready at 5pm; shaved her legs, did her hair, put on skin-tight leggings and a low-cut top. Left at 6pm, snuck back in at 2:50am. Shit, couponing must be really exciting. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2016 at 1:15am / United States (New York) / Love
by Jo_kat / 06/08/2016 at 11:56pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
Today, after finally applying myself and busting my butt all semester, I found out the school is accusing me of cheating because they couldn't believe I could have gotten near-perfect grades considering my grade history. If this is how society rewards academic turnarounds, why do I even bother? FML
by CantWin / 06/07/2016 at 6:38pm / United States (Utah) / Geek
by oh no / 06/06/2016 at 11:45am / United States (New York) / Work
by Fido / 06/06/2016 at 7:58am / United States / Kids
Today, I regret calling my hardass boss a cocksucking bastard when I quit a few months back. My new job just laid me off, and I could desperately use a good reference from the aforementioned cocksucking bastard. FML
by larsn / 06/03/2016 at 4:32pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I fell off of the deck in my backyard, which wouldn't have been that bad if my drunk, idiot brother hadn't jumped off behind me yelling, "FINISH HIM!" while delivering a bone-crushing body slam. He is fine. I, however, am currently getting a cast for a broken arm. FML
by Daddy / 06/02/2016 at 4:04am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by chazzywazzy654 / 05/27/2016 at 9:20am / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Health
Today, my two year old has learned new things from his best friend. His best friend is our dog. He's learned to eat dog food, lick people, and now he's started taking off his diaper to lift his leg and pee. FML
by proud parent / 05/21/2016 at 12:03pm / United States (Texas) / Kids