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Offline (the 05/07/2016 at 7:05am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 1 February 1996 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1762
  • Number of comments : 292
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About orbit :

orbit's page activity

Visits<b>2simz</b> - the 07/17/2016 at 7:37am<b>im_a_squid</b> - the 07/05/2016 at 11:13pm<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/05/2016 at 11:46am<b>delichick</b> - the 05/02/2016 at 5:29am<b>AlliTheKat</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 5:41pm<b>zach205</b> - the 04/06/2016 at 5:28pm<b>grifmelo</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 6:53pm<b>paris_ava</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 4:01pm<b>oliviadanjou99</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 3:14pm<b>Jesmassimo</b> - the 03/28/2016 at 8:55pm<b>Moskaaa7</b> - the 03/28/2016 at 8:28pm<b>hardcorefan16</b> - the 03/28/2016 at 7:39pm<b>melisssa87</b> - the 03/28/2016 at 6:55pm<b>JOLLYKILLA</b> - the 03/26/2016 at 9:13pm<b>supermarxiste75</b> - the 03/11/2016 at 4:39pm<b>konan__</b> - the 02/17/2016 at 2:44am<b>mikotomisaki</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 6:47pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 3:58pm

Fucked!<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/05/2016 at 5:36pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 4:46am<b>Anushka</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 12:50am<b>Gabygonzalez9211</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 12:03am<b>ZombieVampirez</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 7:18am<b>vonvaski</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 8:02pm<b>SHADOWS565</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 9:45am<b>violetmay210</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 11:46pm<b>clairesucks</b> - the 12/03/2014 at 5:16am<b>dylanger16</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 4:58pm<b>awesomepantTamia</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 12:29am<b>Amber_Naomy</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 4:04pm<b>reiichan</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 1:24am<b>ManateeRex</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 3:12pm<b>sayyestothedress</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 2:26am<b>jcroisdale</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 7:23pm<b>Nevracceptdefeat</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 6:59am

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orbit's favorite FMLs

Today, my new neighbor offered to "humanely capture and relocate" the squirrels in my attic. He then "humanely" shot at them with a BB gun, and the "relocated" them into his stomach once they were killed. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

by sigh / 04/12/2016 at 10:10pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, nearing the end of my pregnancy, I went to a local pool. While attempting to swim on my stomach, I turned a little to the left, and buoyancy took over and I ended up belly-up and flailing, causing a very large man to then laugh so hard, he choked. FML

by ciammmm / 04/07/2016 at 8:23pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my dog was so happy to see me that he laid down on his back and started pissing like a fountain. He pissed on everything around him, including me. FML

by Koko / 04/07/2016 at 12:07pm / Germany (Berlin) / Animals

Today, I took my boyfriend of 2 years on a family vacation to meet my family for the first time. We all got really drunk and he made out with my dad. This was day one and we don't fly back for another 16 days. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 1:48pm / United States (Oregon) / Holidays

Today, the guy I buy weed from invited me to have Easter dinner with his family, since I've nowhere else to go. FML

by mel / 03/25/2016 at 9:20am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working at my salon, I was cutting an older gentleman's hair. When he got up to leave, everyone noticed he had clearly pissed his pants. I felt bad for him until he laughed and said, "Here's your tip, have fun cleaning that up." FML

by breyn / 02/18/2015 at 2:48pm / United States / Work

Today, while working at Subway I joked with a customer asking him if he was going to order in Spanish. The women in front of him began yelling about how I was being racist and told my manager that I needed to be fired. The customer I was joking with was my Spanish teacher. FML

by anonymous / 02/15/2015 at 5:39pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

by SDCore / 02/11/2015 at 7:40pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, while correcting essays, I spilled ketchup on a student's paper. I managed to successfully turn it into a happy smiley face but when proudly looking at the result, noticed it was right next to the big "F" that I had graded it. FML

by tirf / 02/09/2015 at 5:58pm / Work

Today, my new boyfriend and I really wanted to have sex, but he went soft as soon as he entered me. This happens every time we try. I feel cursed by my year-long dry spell. FML

by Anonymous / 02/06/2015 at 9:32pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Intimacy

Today, I bought a small tub of coconut pieces in a bid to eat healthier snacks at work. I noticed that the chunks were a bit slimy, but thought nothing of it and kept eating. It wasn't until I reached the final few pieces that I noticed a huge black slug crawling across the bottom of the tub. FML

by goodbyediet / 01/30/2015 at 6:00am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my intoxicated step-father in our back yard trying to domesticate a stray opossum, attempting to give it steak and malt liquor. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2015 at 10:41pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook showing a side-by-side view of me before and after I'd tried out my new makeup. My dad commented, "What is this, Gollum cosplaying an Orc?" My mum, brother, and over 20 "friends" liked his comment. FML

by Anonymous / 12/19/2014 at 2:36pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Geek

Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML

by 404: fuck not given / 11/23/2014 at 11:34am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I overheard my son mutter to himself, "If Hitler could do it to that many people, so could I..." Anyone recommend a good psychiatrist? FML

by failure / 11/02/2014 at 3:57pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids