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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
oneforceone's favorite FMLs
Today, my teacher assigned us teams in a class debate. I landed on the team that had to argue the obviously wrong point of view. When I finished, my teacher told me and the entire class how much I disturbed her, and how I reminded her of Hitler and Napoleon. FML
by anonymous / 09/05/2012 at 12:25pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I bought some bitter-apple spray to stop my puppy chewing on everything. Later, I found out how effective it was, when I tried to eat a sandwich, and gagged at the horrifying taste on my hands. My dog seems unaffected, and continues to chew the table legs. FML
by badwolf / 09/04/2012 at 4:34pm / United States / Animals
by frustrated / 09/03/2012 at 4:20pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health
Today, my little sister came home crying because someone had shown her a video about the Slender Man. Trying to calm her down, I explained to her that he wasn't real, just like Santa Claus. She looked up at me and said "Santa's not real?" It's been 3 hours, and she hasn't stopped crying. FML
by The Horrible Older Sister / 09/02/2012 at 6:07am / United States (Arizona) / Kids
by KidKillah / 09/01/2012 at 12:07am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was playing some CoD online, when I realised I'd started humming an annoyingly catchy Bieber tune. Before I could come to my senses and pull out my mic, a bunch of my teammates started sarcastically singing along. FML
by bieberyoulittleSHIT / 08/31/2012 at 3:20pm / United Kingdom (York) / Geek
Today, I was out apartment hunting with my boyfriend. We visited a marvelous place that ticked all the boxes on our requirement checklist, but my boyfriend was unenthused. There was just one small detail that I hadn’t factored in: it's very badly located if ever zombies attack. FML
by TBTC / 08/31/2012 at 3:16am / France (Pays de la Loire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got rear-ended. An old woman got out and came over to my car window. I thought she was coming to apologize and trade insurance companies. Instead, she poured her soda on my head, ran back into her car, and drove away. FML
by Anonymous / 08/30/2012 at 10:47pm / United States (Connecticut) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 08/30/2012 at 2:33pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
by Sarah / 08/30/2012 at 8:58am / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I received a call from my future sister in-law, telling me that she and her future husband had decided to hold their wedding ceremony on my birthday. I was told not to celebrate my birthday, as it would "take away the attention to the true meaning of the day." FML
by SuzyTurquoiseBlu / 08/29/2012 at 1:32am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, there's a cricket in my apartment. I don't know if I'm more annoyed by the fact that it somehow got up three flights of stairs to get here, or that my cat is so excited about it that he's jumping on me and howling in my face to announce the cricket's presence instead of killing it. FML
by calivianya / 08/28/2012 at 12:49am / United States (North Carolina) / Animals
Today, I have a heart condition that causes migraines and fainting, so I take salt tablets to stop the fainting. The migraines can lead to a stroke, so I have medication for them. The medication has a side effect: fainting. And to avoid migraines, I should avoid salt. FML
by Neurocardiogenic Syncope / 08/24/2012 at 12:08am / Canada / Health
Today, my dad introduced me to my half-sister. He'd only recently found out that he had another daughter by another woman, and had only just met her. She and I have been in the same class in school for the past three years. FML
by Anonymous / 08/23/2012 at 5:40pm / Ireland (Mayo) / Kids
Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML
by Anonymous / 08/23/2012 at 12:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
- Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in… Today, my boyfriend got a new rifle. He forced me to watch him stripping it, oiling it, and sliding… Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing…
- Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, I walked into a mirror in a shop. No one would have known had my face not stayed printed on… Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call…