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oneforceone

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oneforceone
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1375
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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oneforceone's favorite FMLs

Today, I was on a plane returning to University, and I decided to shut my eyes. I opened them about 45 minutes later just as the plane landed to find I couldn't move at all. I was in sleep paralysis. The air hostesses had to lift me out of my seat. FML

#20090890
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19865) - you deserved it (1246)

On 09/27/2012 at 11:46am - health - by Dave (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I heard of an inevitable world-wide bacon shortage on the news. FML

#20089182
394 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26357) - you deserved it (4698)

On 09/26/2012 at 2:57am - misc - by bacon lovers worst nightmare - United States (California)

Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML

#20086472
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14543) - you deserved it (4191)

On 09/24/2012 at 10:33am - kids - by smashed (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend's transition into an annoying hipster is complete. It started with the not-really-necessary nerd glasses and the Mötley Crüe t-shirt, the final straw being the affected British accent. I'm considering where to dump the body. FML

#20086118
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18217) - you deserved it (1864)

On 09/24/2012 at 1:07am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML

#20083358
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18427) - you deserved it (2749)

On 09/22/2012 at 10:12am - animals - by Grauncho - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember anything. FML

#20083352
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22809) - you deserved it (23480)

On 09/22/2012 at 10:06am - intimacy - by holyshitbatman - United States (Illinois)

Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML

#20079475
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57090) - you deserved it (2877)

On 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm - intimacy - by identitychangeplease - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML

#20079105
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27033) - you deserved it (2823)

On 09/19/2012 at 10:54am - misc - by LawStudent (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my husband and I bought a new swing for our front porch. We put it together and sat down to enjoy our accomplishment. 5 minutes into our swing I threw up several times. I have really bad motion sickness, and apparently a swing is no exception. FML

#20074281
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14360) - you deserved it (2611)

On 09/16/2012 at 8:36am - misc - by kacie smith - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was called into my son's school because he had got into a fist-fight with another pupil and I had to take him home. He clammed up about the reason behind the fight, until I finally managed to coax it out of him: the other kid is in "Hufflepuff" and he's in "Ravenclaw." FML

#20070089
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22062) - you deserved it (3680)

On 09/13/2012 at 10:31am - kids - by PissOffPottermore (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML

#20069823
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17978) - you deserved it (3773)

On 09/13/2012 at 2:02am - animals - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had just bought a new $60 basketball and decided to go try it out. Five minutes into playing, the ball decided to roll into the hands of a little girl, who then said, "Mine". I thought it was cute, until she skipped over to her parent's car and they drove off. FML

#20068584
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25262) - you deserved it (4400)

On 09/12/2012 at 4:52am - kids - by Bitchjackedmyball - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was assigned to write a short story about what we imagine Earth to be like in 500 years, and daily conflicts people experience. My teacher loved it and read it aloud to the class. He asked for my inspiration, and I didn't have the heart to say that I ripped off Mass Effect 3. FML

Today, my co-worker and I were having a conversation in Russian. Our boss overheard us talking, shouted, "I know you're talking about me! I speak Spanish too!" and threatened to fire us. FML

#20061927
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23311) - you deserved it (2806)

On 09/07/2012 at 12:23pm - work - by PuddlePirate (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I'm so broke that I hand-washed my socks with a bar of soap that I stole from work. FML

#20058884
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21504) - you deserved it (2246)

On 09/05/2012 at 2:27pm - money - by Lauraborealous - Canada (Alberta)



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