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omfg_Jackie

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omfg_Jackie
  • Town/Country : gee arr, Michigan, U.S.
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 4 December 1988 (25 years)
  • Number of visits : 2237
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About omfg_Jackie : I'm cool mannn[;

omfg_Jackie's last visitors

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omfg_Jackie's favorite FMLs

Today, I was petsitting for my neighbor's new puppy. A huge thunderstorm came, and the puppy started whining and shivering violently. I pulled it into my lap to try and comfort it. One loud clap of thunder later, and the puppy had explosive diarrhea all over me. FML

#1026583
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78566) - you deserved it (7506)

On 04/16/2009 at 5:36pm - misc - by Puppysit88 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was dressing in my apartment when I noticed I left the blinds open. Outside, a maintenance man was mowing the grass within eyeshot. I figured I'd leave the blinds open and give him a little peek of the goods. Later I found a note on my window saying, 'Next time, close the blinds'. FML

#1021502
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19062) - you deserved it (105361)

On 04/16/2009 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was at my new apartment. My fiancé was coming home so I filled the apartment with candles and put on some sexy music. When he came up to my door, I answered the door, naked. What I didn't know was that he was bringing his dad to see the new apartment. FML

#1017067
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70982) - you deserved it (31516)

On 04/16/2009 at 10:49am - intimacy - by nudesurprise (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I discovered that I had left my sunroof open all night during a storm and my front seats was soaked. I grabbed a towel for my seat but didn't close my sunroof because it was nice out. As I pull out of my driveway, I felt something wet hit my forehead. A bird shit on me through my sunroof. FML

#1016784
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53591) - you deserved it (14188)

On 04/16/2009 at 10:38am - animals - by oops1234 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML

#1002619
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75980) - you deserved it (6144)

On 04/15/2009 at 8:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was struggling through an exam and the hot girl next to me seemed to be flying through the questions. So I cheated off her. When we finished I asked her to lunch. She said "No, I just rushed through the exam so I can go fuck my boyfriend." I got shutdown and probably failed an exam. FML

#1001341
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8855) - you deserved it (80418)

On 04/15/2009 at 7:30pm - misc - by ananomoose - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was visiting my grandmother's house. She keeps the thermostat on 85 and after about 30 minutes I explained to her "I'm going to have to leave, it's just too hot in here". She replied: "You think it's hot in here, wait until you get to hell." I laughed. She didn't. FML

#993932
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58986) - you deserved it (5572)

On 04/15/2009 at 3:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I finally hooked up with a guy I've been hanging out with for 2 months. Afterwards, while we're getting dressed he says "You better be clean. If you're not tell me now so I dont pass it on to my girlfriend." Stunned, all I could say was, "Girlfriend?!" His reply, "Well technically my fiancée." FML

#992330
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66864) - you deserved it (11703)

On 04/15/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by oops123 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML

#742417
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14262) - you deserved it (146333)

On 04/01/2009 at 6:42am - misc - by blackvogue (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML

#742417
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14262) - you deserved it (146333)

On 04/01/2009 at 6:42am - misc - by blackvogue (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. FML

#741988
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78099) - you deserved it (13672)

On 04/01/2009 at 4:16am - misc - by highleyj (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to play a joke on my boyfriend and planned to pretend that I found a thong in his gym bag. When he came home, I "confronted" him. After struggling through putting on my best face, he, unexpectedly confessed: "Look, babe, I'm sorry. It meant nothing." FML

#556029
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48925) - you deserved it (83763)

On 03/23/2009 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)



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