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ombrown

Offline (the 07/03/2015 at 2:41pm) | Search for a member

ombrown

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 675
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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ombrown's favorite FMLs

Today, my long-distance boyfriend came to see me and told me that he had a surprise for me. I was excited at the idea of a romantic gesture, but forgot about it until he arrived and things began heating up. As I was removing his pants, I said, "Ooh, you shaved!" to which he replied, "Surprise!" FML

#21435204
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21239) - you deserved it (3207)

On 07/02/2015 at 1:53am - intimacy - by mirandale (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, the only reason my husband agreed to marriage counselling is because he finds our therapist attractive. FML

#21434782
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25187) - you deserved it (2181)

On 07/01/2015 at 9:35am - love - by ouch - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML

#21432853
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25219) - you deserved it (3333)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:37pm - love - by stillhungry - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend came back from her mission trip with hickies all over her boobs. She said it wasn't cheating because she was doing God's work and that they canceled each other out. FML

#21432849
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29291) - you deserved it (2292)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:29pm - love - by isaidfuckoff (woman) - United States

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

#21432533
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30542) - you deserved it (2141)

On 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm - work - by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML

#21431510
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27031) - you deserved it (3608)

On 06/24/2015 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after all of the business cards for the car dealership that I work for were printed, the phone number was wrong, and the lady got so pissed about getting so many calls that she told them that they had won a free car. I had to tell dozens of ecstatic customers that they hadn't. FML

#21430788
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21602) - you deserved it (5135)

On 06/23/2015 at 6:37pm - work - by Luke - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my dad I was gonna to start working out again. He looked at me with honest confusion on his face and said, "You worked out before?" My mother started laughing. She was all the way upstairs. FML

#21430201
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21749) - you deserved it (2546)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:35pm - health - by LukesSkyWalker (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML

#21430188
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25255) - you deserved it (2857)

On 06/22/2015 at 3:55pm - love - by Partners (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after I drove two hours to his house, because he wanted to do it face to face. Then told me that if I wanted, we could have sex one last time, but I would have to leave right after, otherwise it would be weird. FML

#21430061
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26372) - you deserved it (1927)

On 06/22/2015 at 10:41am - intimacy - by bonzo - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, as I finished my piano recital and took a bow, I farted into the microphone. FML

#21428226
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29572) - you deserved it (3688)

On 06/18/2015 at 6:53pm - work - by fartypants - United States (Florida)

Today, my wife came back from her camping trip with her friends. I decided to help her out by unpacking her stuff while she used the bathroom. It's funny; I never knew that a dildo, a ball gag and an open pack of condoms were considered camping gear. FML

#21427521
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35842) - you deserved it (2578)

On 06/17/2015 at 10:12am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML

#21427104
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26099) - you deserved it (5970)

On 06/16/2015 at 4:01pm - intimacy - by bootyislife (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML

#21425682
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35814) - you deserved it (5996)

On 06/14/2015 at 9:41am - kids - by afather - United States (South Dakota)



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