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olioli's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/07/2013 at 7:47pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML
by SplishSplash / 08/31/2013 at 9:21pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, after spending the weekend together, my ex turned nasty. I finally had the balls to tell him what a cruel asshole I think he is and really hit him where it hurts. I felt very empowered and strong. That is, until I realized I left my favourite and rather expensive jacket in his apartment. FML
by scorned_jacketless_lady / 08/26/2013 at 12:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by NO NO NO / 08/05/2013 at 5:42pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Intimacy
Today, I had an allergy test. Not only was I allergic to 35 out of the 40 items, they also found out that I'm allergic to the latex gloves my doctor happened to be wearing. Now my entire back is covered in a rash that will last at least another week. FML
by Anonymous / 07/15/2013 at 12:23am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
by SimG / 07/07/2013 at 8:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/29/2013 at 11:09am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, my step mom and her kids moved in. This is my first night sharing a room with her daughter. She snores, sleep talks, and sleep scratches the side of the bed creating a sound like nails on a chalkboard. FML
by mskawaiibat / 06/29/2013 at 6:01am / United States (California) / Kids
by theunluckylifeofme / 06/26/2013 at 4:33pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was packing up my stuff about to go home. I shut off my MacBook but was still pretending to work for the last few minutes, typing on the keyboard. A good way through, I realized my co-worker sitting across from me could see that the Apple logo was off. FML
by awk1 / 06/17/2013 at 8:55pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
by lonesome / 04/28/2013 at 1:23am / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, an attractive guy came up to me and told me that I looked sexy in a picture online. He then asked himself why he had never asked me out before. Apparently, he doesn't remember our 6-month relationship, or how it ended when he slept with my sister. FML
by mcds2 / 03/18/2013 at 4:28am / United States / Love
Today, I was babysitting, and I had to pee really, really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off, and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in tears, their child screamed, "No, no, pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML
by soaked / 02/25/2013 at 2:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, at the hospital I work at, I had to deliver my best friend's baby. I later found out that my ex boyfriend was the father. Normally this wouldn't faze me, but it did because we broke up last month. FML
by Anonymous / 12/29/2012 at 3:25am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
Today, I took a picture of myself wearing a whipped cream bra with cherry nipples, captioned, "I hope you enjoyed your dinner, now how about some dessert???" I meant to send it to my fiancé. I sent it by mistake to my dad. FML
by Whipped Cream / 11/24/2012 at 12:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
- Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm.… Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said "It's not the… Today, I found out that when you kick another man in the snowglobes and he smiles at you, there's…