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About ohcoolstorybro : Really bored. Message me and we can talk about anything. I will listen and I give some good advice
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Today, mah boyfriend woke me up the same way he alway does, by pulling on mah hair . Just to be playful, I pulled him down on top of me an kissed him . Turns out his brother thought it would be funny to wake people up the same way . real FML
Today.. . it has been over 3 months since mah housemates endd their 1 month long relationship . He's still creepily obsessd with her . He pickd the bathroom lock when I was in the shower an trid to get in.. . an then calld me a "fucking c*nt" when he realisd it was me in there.. . not her . FML
Today looool I was taking a patient's blood pressure an listening 4 is pulse wit my stetoscope. I couldn't ear anyting so I adjustd te cuff an trid again. Still no pulse. He pointd out tat my stetoscope was te wrong way around an sneerd "You been smokin te reefer boy?" fat FML
Today, while working shift at Taco Bell, a creepy guy startd flrting with me. He said, ( You remind me of something, ) acting as if I knew him from elsewhere. I quickly said I usd to work at Chili's. He shook his head and said, ( No, not a person! An animal. A sloth maybe. ) FML
TODAY, I WENT TO A PAINTBALL MATCH WITH A GROUP OF FRIENDS, ONE OF WHOM BROUGHT HIS DAD ALONG. HIS DAD IS A WIEGHT-LIFTING, WANNABE ALPHA MALE FUCKNUT WHO THINKS THAT CHOKESLAMMING OPPONENTS IS A LEGITIMATE CLOSE-QUARTERS PAINTBALL TACTIC. MY BROKEN SHOULDER DISAGREES. FML
today I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor . The nurseho took me to my room afterward trid to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot . That was me too . big fat FML
Today, I saw my niegbor's delinquent kid sooting squirrels wit a BB gun. Sockd and furious at is cruel beavior, I told im to stop, wit te treat of telling is parents. He respondd by sooting me in te nuts and running away in a fit of laugter. big fat FML
2day with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of looool the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over mah living room. I was eating cereal in mah underwear, in the living room, drectly under the failure. I'm cold. FML
TODAY, MAH LITTLE SISTER CHASD ME AROUND THE HOUSE WITH A MALLET, GIGGLING LIKE A MANIAC. I ENDD UP HAVING TO PIN HER TO THE GROUND, RIP THE MALLET OUT OF HER HAND AN LOCK HER IN THE BATHROOM. THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME. MY MOM STILL INSISTS IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL. FML
Today , I Saw A Ladyho Had Fainted. I Ran Over To Help , Only To Find Out That She Was Unstable An Had A Knife In Her Hand. She Was Pointing It At Me , An Growled Threateningly Every Time I Tried To Move Away. It Took The Cops An Hour To Defuse The Situation. FML
Today, I let my friend bleach my hair, which resultd in it falling out in clumps. I spent $150 at the beauty salon fixing it an cutting most of it off. I sent the pictures of my new hair to my friends, an I got the same reply from each an every one of them: "That better be a wig." FML
Friday 27 March 2015