About numbernegative0 : I'm brown and I have a long nose. I have seven nipples.
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numbernegative0's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML
by Anonymous / 07/19/2014 at 1:39pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad found out that I'm a member on a bodybuilding forum and decided to join it too. It's only been a few hours, but he's already told everyone that he's my dad, posted that I'm a "total pussy in real life", and questioned my sexuality. Thanks. FML
by -.- / 04/13/2014 at 6:16pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous
by jill / 02/25/2014 at 11:59am / United States (Utah) / Love
by begging for air / 02/20/2014 at 12:45pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/31/2014 at 5:08pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/12/2014 at 1:38am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my band members and I were brainstorming ideas to help increase our fan base. My drummer suggested they replace me for someone attractive. Everyone agreed and now they are trying to kick me out of the band I started. FML
by YouAssholes / 12/09/2013 at 6:25pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
by FML / 12/08/2013 at 1:00pm / Puerto Rico / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/06/2013 at 11:13am / United States (California) / Love
Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML
by wheezy / 12/03/2013 at 12:28pm / United States (Mississippi) / Health
Today, I had to bail my husband out of jail. It turns out that in the Black Friday rush, he beat a guy up just so he could get his hands on the last of a heavily-discounted item. The item in question: a toaster. FML
by fleetingmemories / 11/29/2013 at 6:55pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/29/2013 at 6:56am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
by B_and_W / 11/21/2013 at 6:35am / France / Kids
by gonnafail / 11/16/2013 at 3:18pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by I don't know, son / 11/15/2013 at 8:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
- 1Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 2Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…
- Today, while in bed with my fiancée, I asked her to take off her pants so we could get it on. She… Today, I was taking a shower outside at my fiancé's beach house. I was struggling to take my bikini… Today, what my friends call my "resting bitch face" freaked my boyfriend out enough during sex that…