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npereira's favorite FMLs
Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML
by Danny / 11/11/2012 at 12:05am / United States (Utah) / Love
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML
by for fuck sake dad / 11/02/2012 at 7:50pm / Ireland (Limerick) / Love
Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML
by okay._. / 11/01/2012 at 3:54am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2012 at 5:54pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 1:53am / United States / Kids
Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML
by PerpetuallyHappy / 09/25/2012 at 7:20pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/24/2012 at 3:09pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 09/02/2012 at 7:47pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend got a new tattoo. It was a big tattoo of Pikachu on his hip. I told him now I'd feel like I was having sex with an 8-year-old boy. His defense? "No, no, think of it as having sex with Pikachu!" He still refuses to understand why that's weird. FML
by Kat / 08/30/2012 at 9:08pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
Today, my wife and I got in a 4-hour heated argument which resulted in her begging for a divorce and admitting that she cheated on me. This all started with us arguing about the instructions for our new IKEA table. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2012 at 10:56pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML
by Anonymous / 08/22/2012 at 2:01am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I ordered ramen to go. I looked at my order and discovered a cockroach. Disgusted, I showed it to them, and they apologized by "replacing" it for free. Later on, while I was enjoying the delicious food, I once again discovered a cockroach buried under all the noodles. FML
by Anonymous / 08/16/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Armed Forces Pacific) / Health
- Today, I placed a Bible app next to an app I use for porn, in the hope that it will encourage me to… Today, my boyfriend and I had amazing make-up sex after a huge fight. Turns out he forgot to let me… Today, my girlfriend took off my pants for the first time. She was more impressed by the pattern on…