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nothing92x's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/16/2009 at 1:33am / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, I was sitting on my boyfriends lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML
by awkwardbf / 09/08/2009 at 9:26pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by FAIL / 09/08/2009 at 1:29am / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids
by Waheyyy / 09/07/2009 at 3:19pm / United Kingdom / Kids
Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML
by Anonymous / 09/06/2009 at 5:50pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my boyfriends house, meeting his family for the first time. We were all standing in the kitchen when suddenly a small white and brown mouse ran by. As a natural instinct, I stomped on it. Turns out, it was his little sister's pet mouse that had gotten out of its cage earlier. FML
by JustMyLuck / 09/05/2009 at 9:31pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, I began my job as an intern at a high school. I saw one of the students looked very familiar, and I couldn't remember from where. Then I figured it out, I had hooked up with him at a club last week. He's a junior in high school, I'm in my last year of college. FML
by akward / 09/04/2009 at 1:36pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was following my dad while texting, not really watching where we're going. Suddenly, he ran ahead and I looked up to see what he was doing. We were in the men's bathroom. There were 3 guys at the urinals. I'm a 15 year old girl. FML
by iTerrify / 09/03/2009 at 7:14pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
Today, someone broke my car's left side mirror. A friend of mine was buying a replacement one and texted me to confirm which one I needed. He asked: "It's the driver's side, right?" To which I replied: "Right". I got the wrong mirror. FML
by Anonymous / 09/01/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were starting to get in the mood. I get on top of him, lean down to kiss him, and he begins to laugh. Puzzled, I ask him why. He tells me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I remind him of a cow, with 'udders' . Offended, I go to get off. 'No no' he protests, 'a SEXY cow'. FML
by sigh / 08/30/2009 at 7:35pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Intimacy
by arsewipe92 / 08/30/2009 at 12:16am / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I was on the webcam with my boyfriend. I could see that he was on the couch, and alone, so I took off my shirt and smiled, waiting to see his reaction. He smiled at me but then kept looking in another direction. I playfully asked "What's so distracting?" His answer: "History Channel". FML
by notenough / 08/29/2009 at 12:27am / United States (Oregon) / Love
by kitchencrime / 08/28/2009 at 2:11am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend and I went boating. In the middle of the lake, we decided to jump in. We put our valuables in the boat and jumped in. When I tried to get back in the boat, it flipped over, and our cellphones, along with my car keys, are at the bottom of the lake. FML
by p-man / 08/27/2009 at 3:34am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML
by damnit / 08/25/2009 at 2:44am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous