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nothing92x's favorite FMLs
by SisterOfTard / 11/10/2014 at 11:31am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by Alexismaria / 10/23/2014 at 4:05pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
by Anonymous / 10/23/2014 at 2:43pm / United States / Kids
Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML
by Deadpool434 / 10/19/2014 at 3:27pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2014 at 7:05pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals
Today, I rode my new motorcycle to work for the first time. As I accelerated, I felt a sharp pain in my neck. Apparently, poisonous spiders can actually get trapped inside motorbike helmets. Duly noted. FML
by thelordofpies / 10/17/2014 at 11:24am / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/16/2014 at 9:10pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by eh / 10/06/2014 at 3:12pm / Azerbaijan (Baki) / Miscellaneous
Today, I discovered that the laser disc player I used to have was not in fact a laser disc player but a Pioneer Laseractive. Broken ones sell on eBay for $200 and working ones sell for around $1000. I sold a working one for less than $100-worth of credit at a second-hand store. FML
by Sad Nerd / 04/02/2014 at 4:20am / United States (Arizona) / Money
by IcyWinter / 04/02/2014 at 4:16am / Canada (Manitoba) / Kids
Today, for our 25th anniversary, my husband and I had dinner on a cruise ship, a dinner we had been planning for months. Upon boarding, I realized the expensive dress that I had bought just for the occasion had exactly the same print as the chair covers and the carpet. The cruise lasted 8 hours. FML
by Why / 04/02/2014 at 4:13am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by YellowKettleBell / 04/01/2014 at 10:21pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, a man asked me on a date. It's been so long, I accepted immediately. He began quoting what seemed like random numbers to me, and it took me a few minutes to work out what he meant. Not only was I mistaken for a prostitute, I'm also worth, at most, $60. FML
by that kind of girl / 04/01/2014 at 8:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by derped-out sperm / 04/01/2014 at 5:41pm / Ireland / Kids
Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML
by Anonymous / 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm / United States (California) / Intimacy