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nothing92x's favorite FMLs
Today, my wife came back from her camping trip with her friends. I decided to help her out by unpacking her stuff while she used the bathroom. It's funny; I never knew that a dildo, a ball gag and an open pack of condoms were considered camping gear. FML
by Anonymous / 06/17/2015 at 10:12am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
by _kyleG_ / 06/16/2015 at 1:54am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
by Myyrh / 06/15/2015 at 9:48pm / Switzerland (Basel-Stadt) / Love
Today, I was invited to an adult toy party with co-workers. They started by playing a game called 'Never Ever Have I Ever' about everyone's sexual exploits. My mother is a co-worker. I can never un-hear what I heard. FML
by silverspud / 06/12/2015 at 9:22pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by Pattie / 06/12/2015 at 2:50am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML
by Anonymous / 06/12/2015 at 1:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
Today, I arrived at the salon to get my hair done for prom. The lady at the front desk insisted I didn't have an appointment. After looking back on my recent calls, it turned out I called the wrong number and whatever asshole was on the other line played along. FML
by Badhairday / 06/11/2015 at 7:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to be the "cool aunt" and take my nephew to a horror movie. I ended up being so scared, I burst into tears. Nothing says "cool" like having an 11-year-old walk a sobbing, grown woman from a theatre. FML
by Bigbaby / 06/11/2015 at 6:29pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was talking to an old man I met at a store. He just wanted to know a few things, and he asked about my day. I explained a few bad things that'd happened, then I thanked him for listening. He then asked, "So, how are we gonna do this?" He thought we were gonna fuck. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2015 at 5:20pm / United States (Montana) / Intimacy
by lolatmylovelife / 06/11/2015 at 4:51pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my long-distance boyfriend arrived, took off my bra and told my boobs, "I missed you guys", then took off my panties and said, "Hey buddy" to my vagina before saying he missed me to my face. FML
by Hey_Buddy_ / 06/10/2015 at 11:38pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by zheiraT / 05/22/2015 at 3:44pm / United States (Maine) / Work
Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML
by wtf bro / 05/20/2015 at 4:45am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Intimacy
Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML
by Anonymous / 05/19/2015 at 10:01am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy