noshatsherlockk

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noshatsherlockk

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3737
  • Number of comments : 122
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About noshatsherlockk : Born to do the dishes.

noshatsherlockk's page activity

Visits<b>sonasonic</b> - the 05/11/2016 at 8:15am<b>kukumber</b> - the 05/10/2016 at 8:50pm<b>elizabeth_black</b> - the 05/07/2016 at 6:06pm<b>Zero_TAlent_</b> - the 03/28/2016 at 11:42pm<b>SuperWhoLock27</b> - the 02/11/2016 at 12:47pm<b>moodyreallyrocks</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 10:25pm<b>mc822</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 2:35am<b>ninety</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 4:23am<b>Maureendje</b> - the 11/09/2015 at 2:29pm<b>Walmartian2015</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 7:17pm<b>sayam2002</b> - the 09/15/2015 at 11:02pm<b>Wondermage</b> - the 09/15/2015 at 6:53pm<b>ihmmil</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 9:42am<b>Kitten_love</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 7:07pm<b>theBalloonPerson</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 6:52am<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 1:10pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 4:32pm<b>dmcintosh</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 6:06pm

Fucked!<b>elizabeth_black</b> - the 05/08/2016 at 12:05am<b>moodyreallyrocks</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 4:25am<b>Walmartian2015</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 1:17am<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 10:32pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 4:25pm

noshatsherlockk's FML badges

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50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

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noshatsherlockk's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

by Anonymous / 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, my wife, who is four months pregnant, burst into tears while thinking about the armchair in our living room that we never use. According to her, we're stopping it from living out its destiny as an armchair. FML

by FauteuilEver Alone / 07/05/2012 at 4:11am / France / Miscellaneous

Today, someone rang my doorbell. The moment I opened the door, a smell not unlike a cascading torrent of rotting flesh and urine hit my nostrils. I stood there for an eternity as a homeless man leaned on my door and desperately tried to convince me to buy an array of scrap metal from him. FML

by noquiero / 06/21/2012 at 2:13pm / United Kingdom (Durham) / Miscellaneous

Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML

by Anonymous / 06/21/2012 at 1:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation

Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML

by ouch / 06/13/2012 at 12:00pm / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's senior employees. The moment I stood up, I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart that lasted a good two or three seconds. When I tried to utter an apology, I clammed up and let out a whiny grunt. They were not amused. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2012 at 4:38pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2012 at 4:49pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

by morethanredhands / 05/21/2012 at 1:56am / Intimacy

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

by sick and awkward / 05/20/2012 at 2:11am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response: "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2012 at 7:35am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was at the supermarket when I saw an elderly lady slip on a wet patch of floor. I ran over to help, and I almost fell too before steadying myself. Then some pimply cockmunch of a teen decided to kick my legs out from under me and walk away while laughing his balls off. FML

by karmafails / 05/01/2012 at 12:17pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health

Today, my girlfriend saw the name "Melissa" on my phone's contact list. After refusing to tell her who it was, she accused me of being a cheater, broke up with me and stormed out of my house. Melissa is the name of a woman from Craigslist who was going to sell me an antique engagement ring. FML

by rejected / 04/13/2012 at 1:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, my seven-year-old told me to lose weight. Her reason? There's a family fun day coming up at her school and she is embarrassed. FML

by vanessax / 04/11/2012 at 1:04am / United States (Indiana) / Kids

Today, my future mother-in-law told me she thought I was severely allergic to cigarette smoke. That hasn't stopped her from chain-smoking around me for the last 3 years. FML

by Anonymous / 04/10/2012 at 11:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Health