Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

noobienick

Offline (12 hours ago) | Search for a member

noobienick

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 27 December 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1124
  • Number of comments : 200
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

noobienick's page activity

Visits<b>ilikevideosgames</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 3:16am<b>Kyle_byrket</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 9:02pm<b>Emmamazing</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 7:15pm<b>jtrizzle93</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 9:18pm<b>rachelthelime</b> - the 06/22/2015 at 5:40pm<b>btsnider</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 8:39pm<b>davisjenny81</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 6:17pm<b>Ninjasmurf77</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 7:53pm<b>supfam</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 11:36am<b>watermelon1</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 4:13pm<b>Zack325</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 1:20am<b>WordBea</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 12:31am<b>Miss_Mandi</b> - the 06/09/2015 at 10:54pm<b>cabub007</b> - the 06/09/2015 at 10:40am<b>Shartie</b> - the 06/08/2015 at 6:07am<b>tyson24769</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 9:06pm<b>Paris25</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 5:24pm<b>kristinalucore</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 4:52pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 6:18pm<b>AnthriX95</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 5:36am<b>caleb_9756</b> - the 10/24/2014 at 1:08am

noobienick's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of noobienick's badges

noobienick's favorite FMLs

Today, my 14 year old brother and 9 year old sister were fighting. My brother said "You suck!" to my sister, and she replied with "You swallow!" FML

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML

#21402047
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31779) - you deserved it (9836)

On 04/29/2015 at 10:25pm - intimacy - by MiniJeans - United States (Florida)

Today, my ex sent me a pack of beer to screw with me. I'm still going to AA, and I thought I was almost over it. Five bottles later, I realized I'm not. We didn't break up over my drinking, either; it was because after just 2 weeks of dating, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't marry her. FML

#21292603
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35934) - you deserved it (3687)

On 11/05/2014 at 8:57am - health - by AAnonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

#21288518
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29937) - you deserved it (25122)

On 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I offered "Girls Gone Wild" as an example of bad TV in my lecture thinking it was a reality TV show. It's porn. FML

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

#21282836
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32419) - you deserved it (3387)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:18pm - work - by Australian Lifeguard - United States (Arizona)

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

#21278553
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35755) - you deserved it (3746)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

#21278162
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41401) - you deserved it (5047)

On 10/15/2014 at 2:27am - misc - by burritobreasts -

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

#21271220
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37707) - you deserved it (3443)

On 10/05/2014 at 1:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

#21262210
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41950) - you deserved it (11696)

On 09/21/2014 at 1:11am - intimacy - by RuinedTheMood (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

#21248352
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43615) - you deserved it (10431)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:56am - animals - by cat lady (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a request to confirm our relationship on Facebook. She accepted, then changed her screen name into "His Hand". FML

#21169063
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53560) - you deserved it (11721)

On 06/10/2014 at 12:02am - love - by MiserableMan (man) - Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh)

Today, I used a public toilet. After I did my business in the stall and walked out, I was confronted by the sight of a man standing on tip-toes, holding his penis up to the automatic hand-dryer. Doubt I'll get that image out of my head any time soon. FML

#21166318
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50430) - you deserved it (5272)

On 06/07/2014 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by yepintheladiesroom (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

#21158187
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44411) - you deserved it (3816)

On 05/31/2014 at 12:39pm - health - by half-dead in CA (man) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie replies #1
  • Hello all you crybabies, from Land's End to John o' Groats. Yes, I'm finally here my lovelies. Since last week, my inbox hasn't stopped humming with the noise of new mail dropping into it, letters full…

Friday 31 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: