noncomposmentis

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noncomposmentis

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 16769
  • Number of comments : 86
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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noncomposmentis's page activity

Visits<b>Draysor</b> - the 06/14/2016 at 6:24am<b>plastix</b> - the 05/13/2016 at 3:20am<b>HWICUNow</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 10:49pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 2:45pm<b>FusionPlacebo</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 7:52pm<b>Wontonfon</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 4:55pm<b>johnny692</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 3:01pm<b>laamjidkek</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 3:53am<b>Random4Dayz</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 10:36pm<b>Blizzicus</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 11:37am<b>kerstileann</b> - the 01/22/2015 at 7:09pm<b>little_aliceee</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 9:54pm<b>mimibear10</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 12:30am<b>elkelk</b> - the 08/25/2014 at 9:58pm<b>PeartOfNeils</b> - the 08/25/2014 at 3:13pm<b>xDochx</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 2:08am<b>JoshuaOdom</b> - the 06/17/2014 at 2:59am<b>BossMindedFemale</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 5:32pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 8:45pm

noncomposmentis's FML badges

Perfectionist

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It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

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noncomposmentis's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML

by Nomoreballs / 07/10/2012 at 7:10pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals

Today, I was listening to some Michael Jackson through my earphones when I saw this really cute girl. Trying to impress, I aproached her while doing some dance moves, not thinking about how unbelievably stupid it must have looked without the music. FML

by Anonymous / 07/09/2012 at 6:37am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML

by moodyreallyrocks / 07/08/2012 at 8:30pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2012 at 5:03pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of seven months and I were looking at some pictures on his iPad. I saw a picture of a kid of about two years old that looked a little like him. I jokingly said, "What, is that your son?" Imagine my surprise when he said that it was. FML

by confusedbutloved / 07/08/2012 at 8:42am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was talking with my wife of five years, and I gave her a few hints about wanting kids. After our talk, she looked at me completely serious and said "Yeah, yeah, kids are great and all, but can't we just get you a dog?" FML

by Richard / 06/24/2012 at 11:03pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my sister was "sexting" her boyfriend over Apple messages. Since we share an iTunes account the messages appeared on my iPod. Apparently, he shouldn't be silly, and should wrap his willy. FML

by Addison / 06/24/2012 at 8:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, as a romantic gesture, my boyfriend gifted me an origami vagina. FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2012 at 10:59am / Ireland (Cork) / Intimacy

Today, I told my girlfriend I love her for the first time. She said, "Thanks." FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2012 at 10:23am / Canada / Love

Today, my husband put some photos of our wedding on Facebook. He named the album "FML". FML

by blah56 / 06/23/2012 at 1:17am / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML

by NotGay / 06/16/2012 at 1:45am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

by habbsrule / 06/15/2012 at 10:21am / Canada / Kids

Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML

by Anonymous / 06/14/2012 at 4:59pm / United Kingdom (Croydon) / Health

Today, I went to see my dermatologist friend for a free consultation on my terrible acne. During my visit, she said I probably won't be getting any more pimples. Excited, I asked her how she could tell. She replied, "There's no more room for it." FML

by ultraattitude / 06/14/2012 at 3:34pm / United States / Health