This member hasn't filled in their description.
noncomposmentis's FML badges
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
noncomposmentis's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML
by Nomoreballs / 07/10/2012 at 7:10pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals
Today, I was listening to some Michael Jackson through my earphones when I saw this really cute girl. Trying to impress, I aproached her while doing some dance moves, not thinking about how unbelievably stupid it must have looked without the music. FML
by Anonymous / 07/09/2012 at 6:37am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Miscellaneous
by moodyreallyrocks / 07/08/2012 at 8:30pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/08/2012 at 5:03pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend of seven months and I were looking at some pictures on his iPad. I saw a picture of a kid of about two years old that looked a little like him. I jokingly said, "What, is that your son?" Imagine my surprise when he said that it was. FML
by confusedbutloved / 07/08/2012 at 8:42am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I was talking with my wife of five years, and I gave her a few hints about wanting kids. After our talk, she looked at me completely serious and said "Yeah, yeah, kids are great and all, but can't we just get you a dog?" FML
by Richard / 06/24/2012 at 11:03pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Addison / 06/24/2012 at 8:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/23/2012 at 10:59am / Ireland (Cork) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/23/2012 at 10:23am / Canada / Love
by blah56 / 06/23/2012 at 1:17am / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML
by NotGay / 06/16/2012 at 1:45am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
by habbsrule / 06/15/2012 at 10:21am / Canada / Kids
Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2012 at 4:59pm / United Kingdom (Croydon) / Health
Today, I went to see my dermatologist friend for a free consultation on my terrible acne. During my visit, she said I probably won't be getting any more pimples. Excited, I asked her how she could tell. She replied, "There's no more room for it." FML
by ultraattitude / 06/14/2012 at 3:34pm / United States / Health
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…