About noncom : I am 14, I am a Kentuckian. I plan to have aFord Rranger 4X4 when I can drive. I like Top Gear (Both U.K. And U.S.) I love food that has Bourbon in it. I find keyrings, gas masks, watches, and belts interesting. I usually use the FML app, but sometimes I use the computer, so feel free to message me. And I am a republican.
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noncom's favorite FMLs
Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML
by loves the smell of burning flesh / 11/01/2011 at 9:22am / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/14/2011 at 12:30pm / Reserved / Intimacy
Today, in the senior class I teach, I asked my students who had traveled outside of the country, excluding Canada and Mexico. One student raised his hand and proudly stated, "Arizona". He wants to be a doctor. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2011 at 2:42am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2011 at 4:17am / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, my boyfriend asked my father for permission to marry me. My father refused, on the basis that I'm the only person in the house with a job, and if I leave he will have to start looking for work. My boyfriend won't marry me without his permission, and my lazy father won't change his mind. FML
by Anonymous / 10/07/2011 at 5:07am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/02/2011 at 11:29pm / United States / Work
by faded as shit / 09/26/2011 at 9:10pm / United States / Love
Today, I went out with a guy I really liked for the first time. He tried to hold my hands, only to be stopped by my mum, jumping out from nowhere saying "Oh no you don't!" before slapping him. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML
by Anonymous / 09/25/2011 at 6:26am / Singapore / Love
by Anonymous / 09/24/2011 at 3:22am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
by rene / 08/22/2011 at 12:46pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation
Today, I took my Catholic girlfriend home to meet my family for the first time. My brother thought it would be civil to spend over an hour insulting her religion and explaining in detail the many ways in which "the Force" is superior. FML
by Jace / 08/19/2011 at 6:36pm / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Love
Today, after a tennis lesson, the coach was picking up the stray tennis balls around the court. Trying to be helpful, I asked him, "Do you want me to grab your ball bag?" His eyeballs almost burst out of their sockets. FML
by BigmouthStrikesAgain / 08/18/2011 at 8:18pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by busybuzzybee / 08/16/2011 at 8:31pm / United States (California) / Animals
by Anon / 08/16/2011 at 2:27am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I spent $500 buying my lost cat back from a jerk who thought it was his. I get home and my mom tells me that she'd sold it to the same guy for $10 because she thought the cat was ruining my love life. FML
by Username / 08/14/2011 at 3:16am / United States / Money
- Today, I’m in China for work. All my work is stored in my Google Drive, directly via the internet.… Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…