About noncom : I am 14, I am a Kentuckian. I plan to have aFord Rranger 4X4 when I can drive. I like Top Gear (Both U.K. And U.S.) I love food that has Bourbon in it. I find keyrings, gas masks, watches, and belts interesting. I usually use the FML app, but sometimes I use the computer, so feel free to message me. And I am a republican.
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noncom's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML
by littledipper / 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm / United States (New York) / Work
by chinaski7628 / 09/24/2013 at 6:00pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, yet again, I got to my desk at work at 8 AM to find my laptop turned on and porn sites opened. Weird porn sites. I have no idea who is doing this, or how they have access to my office, or how they got my login password. HR thinks I'm making this up. FML
by MymB612 / 09/24/2013 at 7:15am / Work
by cuntsmom / 09/24/2013 at 12:47am / United States / Kids
by latter / 09/23/2013 at 8:05pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/10/2013 at 9:23am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by whatjusthappened / 09/05/2013 at 8:46pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by single again / 09/05/2013 at 8:29pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I got a message from my teacher about my homework. We were supposed to write an original myth explaining a natural event. My teacher bumped my grade for it down to a C for copying a myth that already exists. My myth was based on an original story I've been writing for two years. FML
by WritesTooWell / 09/05/2013 at 7:27pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that if I say "make a sandwich", it doesn't matter what context it's in, or whether it's a command or just me describing my day; I'll be yelled at anyway by my hipster roommate for being a "sexist cunt", then end up apologizing just to get her to shut up. FML
by Anonymous / 09/05/2013 at 3:11pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, after my grandma did some early Halloween costume shopping, I witnessed her modeling a "sexy nurse" outfit. After seeing her bare thighs and most of her ass, I don't think I can eat cottage cheese ever again. FML
by fuck my liBLARGHSLJNAdlajdSzxz / 09/05/2013 at 12:39pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy
Today, a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML
by NotGabe / 09/01/2013 at 10:25am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, my parents told me that I had been accepted into my top two colleges, but they didn't show me the letters because they were worried that if they spent money on tuition, they wouldn't be able to keep BOTH of their brand new Mercedes. FML
by jfanous / 09/01/2013 at 6:40am / United States (California) / Money
Today, my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stopped and offered to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulled down my tank top and screamed "Boobies!" right in front of the officer. FML
by embarrassedmom / 08/31/2013 at 7:48pm / United States / Kids
by rapunzel3416 / 08/30/2013 at 5:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous