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ninthsanctum's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 4:27pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 1:38pm / United States (Ohio) / Health
Today, while visiting my grandparents, I used one of their blankets to keep warm. Later, I saw their dog getting busy with said blanket. When my grandparents saw my look of horror, they explained that he has "sexual relations" with the blanket every night. Thanks for telling me, guys. FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 7:56am / United States / Animals
by ... cheers / 07/16/2013 at 4:32pm / United Kingdom (Renfrewshire) / Love
Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML
by Aliiiice / 07/16/2013 at 9:18am / France (Haute-Normandie) / Health
by needsnewshorts / 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had an allergy test. Not only was I allergic to 35 out of the 40 items, they also found out that I'm allergic to the latex gloves my doctor happened to be wearing. Now my entire back is covered in a rash that will last at least another week. FML
by Anonymous / 07/15/2013 at 12:23am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML
by Anonymous / 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation
Today, I held a house party. For fun, I made sure all the beer was alcohol-free, so I could see which of my friends would be weak-minded enough to end up acting drunk. Three did. I was one of them. FML
by scheisse / 07/14/2013 at 5:25pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Miscellaneous
by Blizzards / 07/14/2013 at 1:29am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/13/2013 at 5:39pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/13/2013 at 5:10pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
by WOW / 07/13/2013 at 4:40pm / Kenya / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/13/2013 at 4:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML
by fuck / 07/13/2013 at 1:22pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…
- Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her… Today, for my boyfriend's 19th birthday, I decided to dress up as a sexy cat girl for him, complete… Today, my boyfriend nicknamed my vagina after a local waterpark. It wasn't even that annoying until…