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ninthsanctum's FML badges
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ninthsanctum's favorite FMLs
Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML
by fuck my arse / 08/08/2013 at 6:15pm / United Kingdom (Reading) / Intimacy
Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML
by AnnoyedByFriends / 08/08/2013 at 12:43am / Miscellaneous
Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML
by shampoomice / 08/07/2013 at 12:34pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by NO NO NO / 08/05/2013 at 5:42pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Intimacy
by fetch boy.. / 08/05/2013 at 1:28am / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML
by zackeryburch / 08/03/2013 at 9:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Msmerfner / 08/03/2013 at 4:40am / United States (California) / Love
by fsdjhgasjlhg / 08/03/2013 at 2:46am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML
by um... what the fuck, miss? / 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML
by fuck but no fuck / 08/02/2013 at 3:44pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/02/2013 at 11:29am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 10-year-old son told my 5-year-old daughter that we're a ghost family, and told her to run through our glass door to see for herself. She believed it, ran straight into the door, and ended up having to be taken to hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 07/31/2013 at 7:19pm / United Kingdom (Falkirk) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/31/2013 at 12:49pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/31/2013 at 12:28pm / Belgium (West-Vlaanderen) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/30/2013 at 8:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my husband and I had our third marriage counseling session. The only reason I was going was… Today, on my first day as a home health care provider, I walked into my first clients house to find… Today, of the many things I can't do due a back injury, being unable to bend at the waist enough to…