About nightbirdblue : I had some great statement to say about FML earlier, but i forgot it.
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nightbirdblue's favorite FMLs
Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML
by 3722145 / 01/30/2015 at 7:51pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids
Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML
by Anonymous / 01/30/2015 at 4:15pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Chemist-why / 01/30/2015 at 10:11am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/30/2015 at 5:51am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Work
Today, my parents continue comparing me to my "perfect" friend. He smokes dope, is a compulsive thief, and has gone to juvie numerous times. I'm passing school with flying colors and have never been in any trouble with the law. Apparently I should be more like him. FML
by John Doe / 01/29/2015 at 12:01pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Crystal_da_thing / 01/29/2015 at 5:10am / Australia / Animals
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the local park for some romantic time together. By the time we left, I'd been called a pedo and a cradle robber, and been given several dirty looks. I'm 31. My boyfriend is 30 and just very baby-faced. FML
by Anonymous / 01/28/2015 at 2:28pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was ringing up a woman at work. I saw she'd bought a birthday cake, so I smiled and said I hope whoever it was for has a happy birthday. She looked at me in disgust, told me to mind my own business, then called me a "chucklefuck bitch". Okay then. FML
by retailshell / 01/28/2015 at 10:01am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
Today, is the blizzard. I have to go into work, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't show up. I sent him a picture of the snow completely covering my car. He said I moved the snow there and could move it back. FML
by bitchypast / 01/27/2015 at 6:50pm / United States (Maine) / Work
by I'm screwed / 01/27/2015 at 6:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by nicktrelos / 01/27/2015 at 9:07am / Greece / Health
Today, returning home from a party, I realised I'd forgotten my keys. My roommate was sleeping so soundly that after an hour of throwing gravel and ringing the doorbell, I had to give up and get a room at the hotel over the road. For €85 I had a view of my room. FML
by Anonymous / 01/26/2015 at 7:19pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I bought an electric toothbrush because they're supposed to be a lot healthier than regular ones. My crazy religious mom immediately called me a whore and said she knew what I really wanted to use it for. So that's $80 in the trash. FML
by Anonymous / 01/25/2015 at 2:01am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML
by xoragebaby / 01/23/2015 at 8:29pm / United States / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…