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nicole1255's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend got on one knee and started talking about how we met. Knowing what was coming, I started tearing up, absolutely sure he was going to propose. Just as I was about to say yes, he quickly stood up and yelled "HAH, JUST KIDDING". FML
by Anonymous / 11/22/2013 at 7:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I woke up late and had to rush to catch my bus. Upon arriving at school, I was hot from running and took off my sweater. It was then, in a lecture hall with 400 people, that I realised I hadn't put a shirt on underneath. FML
by barebackingit / 11/04/2013 at 2:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by fartz / 08/31/2013 at 2:04am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I won $50 on the lottery. On the subway home, I checked my pocket to see if the money was still there. A very professional man in a suit yelled, "Hey, that's mine!" I got several dirty glares. I'm such a pathetic wimp that I gave him the money. FML
by Anonymous / 02/07/2013 at 7:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money
Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML
by Dimples / 01/03/2013 at 6:35am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML
by spiderwoman / 11/04/2012 at 12:12pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Animals
Today, after having bought my daughter a complete set of new school clothes, she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them, or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML
by Anonymous / 10/05/2012 at 2:22pm / United Kingdom (Wokingham) / Kids
Today, I went to visit a friend I hadn't seen in ages who lives alone out in the country. I arrived and found the front door unlocked but no one was home. I went in anyway and helped myself to some food. Then a family I had never seen before came in, and I realized it wasn't my friend's house. FML
by Embarrassed / 08/07/2012 at 3:48am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried for 45 minutes to convince my psychiatrist to take me off my antidepressant. When he finally agreed to do so, I broke down into tears and sobbed uncontrollably for 10 minutes. Hello, increased prescription. FML
by purpleskylight / 06/27/2012 at 1:29am / United States (Kentucky) / Health
Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML
by Anonymous / 06/03/2012 at 1:43pm / Spain (Castilla y Leon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, when I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart. He swore at me for being a pig, hung up, and has ignored all my subsequent calls. I try not to date idiots, but it's like I have a big old shithead-attracting magnet attached to me or something. FML
by Anonymous / 06/02/2012 at 12:46pm / Ireland (Carlow) / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML
by oh lord / 05/27/2012 at 12:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/07/2012 at 10:52pm / United States / Money
by nothowtheydoitinalabama / 02/21/2012 at 10:43pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
- Today, I found out that my nausea is caused by the medication I have to take. The medication I have… Today, I had a horrible day at work. To make myself feel better I ordered Chinese from my favorite… Today, I asked my girlfriend for a blowjob. She turned down my request, but not because she didn't…