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nicole1255

Offline (the 03/07/2015 at 5:51am) | Search for a member

nicole1255

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 325
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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nicole1255's favorite FMLs

Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML

#21015899
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43581) - you deserved it (8176) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm - misc - by Elisa_LmR (woman) - France

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

#21007475
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49222) - you deserved it (6481)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my daughter lighting candles around one of her friends, who'd fallen asleep while her other friends chanted something in a different language. They still won't tell me what they were doing. FML

#21001182
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50299) - you deserved it (5003)

On 12/22/2013 at 10:36am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I came home after working on a difficult case. My husband wasn't home so I hopped into bed. My feet felt something and I reached down and picked it up out of the sheets. It was lacy black thongs. I don't own black thongs. FML

#20999870
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51319) - you deserved it (3352)

On 12/21/2013 at 2:08am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML

#20998821
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39697) - you deserved it (4451)

On 12/20/2013 at 3:45am - misc - by whatjusthappened (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my class was interrupted by flowers, balloons and chocolates. Then he sang to me a song he wrote himself. This was all for our one-year anniversary. It probably would have been the best day of my life... if I knew who he was. FML

#20997138
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45105) - you deserved it (3495)

On 12/18/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by romance sucks. (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend refused to take a picture with me to prove to my friends that I do indeed have a girlfriend. I got so desperate that I photoshopped myself into one of her Facebook photos instead. FML

#20996955
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42661) - you deserved it (14116)

On 12/18/2013 at 1:23pm - love - by Wow. - United States

Today, while trying to break up with my girlfriend, I somehow ended up begging her not to break up with me. I'm still not sure how that happened. FML

#20988052
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39622) - you deserved it (20005)

On 12/10/2013 at 6:38pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Bangladesh

Today, at my job as a night janitor, at which I work alone, I saw an old man enter a bathroom. When I went to investigate, it was completely empty. I'm now scared to work. FML

#20987406
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53906) - you deserved it (3394)

On 12/10/2013 at 4:50am - work - by scared shitless (man) - United States (California)

Today, marks my fifth day being an English teacher's assistant. I spent it like the other four days: grading and editing terrible Teen Wolf, One Direction and Doctor Who high school fan-fiction. Six months until I get out of here. FML

#20987358
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38157) - you deserved it (5743)

On 12/10/2013 at 2:38am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML

#20984257
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48647) - you deserved it (4553)

On 12/07/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by bella - United States (Texas)

Today, I took an exam in order to apply for a graduate program I want to get into. Last night, my boyfriend decided it was a good time to break up with me out of the blue. I broke down three times in the middle of the test, and I just barely failed it. FML

#20980454
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42963) - you deserved it (5441)

On 12/04/2013 at 1:39pm - love - by heartbroken - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "our priorities aren't the same." Her priorities turned out to be getting into my coworker's pants. FML

#20969114
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40752) - you deserved it (2627)

On 11/24/2013 at 2:59pm - love - by bsulyingb (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend announced to me he was sleeping with another girl via alphabet soup. FML

#20968871
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45224) - you deserved it (3513)

On 11/24/2013 at 11:01am - love - by fries - United States (New York)

Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML

#20967242
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45759) - you deserved it (4645)

On 11/22/2013 at 8:08pm - love - by quit fucking up my life (woman) - United States (Alaska)



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