nickh330

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Offline (the 02/16/2016 at 4:59am)

nickh330

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  • Number of visits : 157
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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nickh330's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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nickh330's favorite FMLs

Today, I found my 6-year-old daughter recording herself on her little tape recorder. When I asked her what she was up to, she replied in her cute little voice, "I'm recording myself so you'll have a souvenir when I'm dead." FML

by DarkChild / 02/11/2016 at 5:18pm / France / Kids

Today, I finally realized the toll working as a cashier 5 days a week during the holidays does to your psyche. I just said "Welcome To Walgreens", out of pure reflex, to my cat as she walked into my kitchen. FML

Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 10:55pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that when I was 4 I killed my bunny by drowning it. Apparently, my aunt bribed me to do it because it pooped in her shoes. FML

by aishyaslife89 / 10/06/2015 at 6:03pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, I took my niece to the zoo. She was crying so I pointed out the chimpanzee to distract her. At the same time, he sat down and began to jack off. My niece won't stop making the same motion. FML

by elcee1987 / 10/06/2015 at 4:42pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was trying to show my family a cool website. Unfortunately my porn instincts kicked in and I started typing the URL of my favorite porn site. I couldn't stop myself before it autocompleted. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2014 at 5:38pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was chatting with my mother. She was telling me about some new mouthwash she recently got, and the moment the word "gargle" escaped her lips, my husband muttered just a little too loudly from the kitchen, "How about gargling my balls instead, bitch." Our family is now at war. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2013 at 3:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was walking downstairs to get breakfast, I saw my parents had decided to have a quickie on the couch. I had to awkwardly stand out of sight on the stairs, too scared to go down, or even back up, because our stairs creak. FML

by Stinkipinkki / 08/21/2013 at 12:27pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

by Holy Testacles / 10/17/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while at my job as a hairdresser, I was giving an elderly client a perm and I thought she'd fallen asleep. She'd died. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2012 at 1:49am / United States / Work

Today, I woke up to a pile of hair on my floor. I looked in the mirror and realized the hair was from my head. I had a dream about cutting my hair and I guess it came true. FML

by Larz / 01/26/2011 at 4:49pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2011 at 12:31am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, when I got home, I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked, on top of each other on my bed. Attached to them was a note that stated, "Please, use your imagination and find other ways besides porn to get excited. The computer keeps getting viruses. Love, Mom." FML

by sydysyd / 11/21/2010 at 6:43pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, at work, after a visit to the bathroom, the lock broke in my hand and the door was jammed. I called the janitor on my cellphone and told him about the situation. He told me to fill out a complaint and leave it in his post box. He then hung up. FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2010 at 6:34am / Sweden (Uppsala Lan) / Work