niatross

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Offline (the 04/12/2015 at 1:51am)

niatross

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 2488
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About niatross : I love autumn. Scarves pumpkins blankets books and cuddling of course

niatross's page activity

Visits<b>zarbof</b> - the 03/21/2016 at 10:56am<b>exoticDeath</b> - the 08/24/2015 at 10:04am<b>MelodySackett123</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 9:12pm<b>Caro97songs</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 5:30am<b>jacky75</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 9:08pm<b>IndicaPaincakes</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 11:23pm<b>Kruitdamp</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 5:28pm<b>Apretendbiscuit</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 12:25am<b>joshtapp</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 11:00pm<b>Sonotsuave</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 10:34pm<b>nreed32</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 4:13pm<b>sexymomo1234</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 10:37am<b>feven</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 10:31am<b>faraz9325</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 8:40am<b>bchin1220</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 8:37am<b>last_kings84</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 7:12am<b>mansfield_j</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 6:16am<b>spockadelic</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 4:32am

Fucked!<b>jacky75</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 3:08am<b>joshtapp</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 5:00am<b>faraz9325</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 2:41pm<b>mansfield_j</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 12:16pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 10:33am

niatross's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of niatross's badges

niatross's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom texted me and asked what I was up to. In response, I joked, "Dancing on the dining room table, waving dad's Calvin Klein's in the air, and shooting bullets into her bedroom floor." Not only did the cops show up, but now I'm grounded for two weeks for being, "deceptively believable." FML

by #goodbyelife / 12/08/2014 at 7:38pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

by embarrassed / 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

by not a dick-man / 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

by marcranger / 08/11/2014 at 7:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML

by zl5 / 07/04/2014 at 7:17pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Work

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

by Snow-White / 07/03/2014 at 8:27pm / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Animals

Today, I clogged my girlfriend's toilet, so being a gentleman, I tried to rectify the situation. I plunged the holy fuck out of that damned toilet, only for her to accuse me of jacking off because I was taking so long. When she stormed in and the smell hit her, she called me a pig. I just can't win. FML

by shart up, your puns suck / 06/01/2014 at 2:34pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by coming home early. He walked in on me sitting on the toilet, singing full volume to my cat as I took a crap. FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2014 at 6:11pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Animals

Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2014 at 10:04am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML

by caught out / 04/26/2014 at 7:29pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, my dad and I got into an argument. When I was proven wrong, he said, "Good job, genius." I shot back the first thing that popped into my head, which was "I am not a genius!" He laughed and says that if I die before him, he's having that engraved on my tombstone. FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2014 at 5:42pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finished building a porch I've worked hard on for the past 2 weeks, and I was very proud on how amazing it turned out. Within 20 minutes of it being completed, my pregnant dog decided to crawl underneath it to have her puppies. I had to take half the porch apart to get to her and them. FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2014 at 10:46pm / United States / Animals

Today, I accidentally walked in on my mom cheating on my step-dad with my real dad. FML

by HeyTherexxx / 04/20/2014 at 9:02pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

by cantprovenothing / 04/18/2014 at 5:31pm / United States (Texas) / Kids