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  • Number of visits : 15238
  • Number of comments : 759
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's page activity

Visits<b>andres1419</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 12:10am<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 9:32pm<b>carlfirebolt</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 4:21pm<b>alexisaurus</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 2:36pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 11:13pm<b>madison123xx</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 4:25pm<b>kukumber</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 6:51pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 2:52pm<b>taintedtruffle</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 11:35pm<b>EimP</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 8:12pm<b>KimmieHappyKat</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 12:51am<b>ArmenMM</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 12:43pm<b>PierceTheSabrina</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 9:18pm<b>Hildy93</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 2:41am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 6:58pm<b>hi_mynaneisslec</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 3:12am<b>Rizzen</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 9:08pm<b>Fatwahhh</b> - the 03/07/2014 at 6:10pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 5:13am<b>madison123xx</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 10:26pm

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML


I agree, your life sucks (68188) - you deserved it (8559)

On 05/08/2014 at 9:55am - love - by STOP (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I let my sister use my phone to play music in the shower, expecting her to use the speakers I have. She used a ziplock bag with a hole in it to connect her headphones. Now I have a waterlogged phone and my sister still doesn't understand why it didn't work. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45231) - you deserved it (7836)

On 05/04/2014 at 11:18pm - misc - by wow. - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was driving my grandpa to the store because his car is in the shop. I was well within the speed limit, but he kept yelling at me for "speeding", then accused me of trying to give him a heart attack, and eventually pulled the e-brake, getting us rear-ended. He refuses to apologise. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47641) - you deserved it (3753)

On 05/03/2014 at 2:15pm - work - by kezbabes - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I pulled up next to a lady who was trying to text, smoke, and drive. My brother said that she was probably going to cause an accident. He was right. At the next light she hit us. She then yelled that I purposely caused the accident because, "that's how teenagers are". FML


I agree, your life sucks (49732) - you deserved it (3241)

On 05/03/2014 at 1:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44627) - you deserved it (5105)

On 04/28/2014 at 11:38am - love - by salad - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I realised that when I asked my girlfriend 4 months ago if was she on the pill, she thought I meant hay fever tablets. I'm going to be a father. FML


I agree, your life sucks (60522) - you deserved it (28876)

On 04/26/2014 at 8:28am - intimacy - by Sniffles (man) - Ireland

Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41290) - you deserved it (5051)

On 03/27/2014 at 8:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39781) - you deserved it (3052)

On 03/24/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by Vampprobs - United States (Michigan)

Today, an American lady here in Ireland asked me if I was a Leprechaun. Thinking she was joking, and me being quite "vertically challenged," I decided to just say yes. She then grabbed me and made me endure photographs, cuddles and pats on the head from all her fellow tourists. FML


Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46969) - you deserved it (24823)

On 03/07/2014 at 2:47pm - intimacy - by onepussytwopussy (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML


I agree, your life sucks (26740) - you deserved it (58800)

On 02/27/2014 at 4:46pm - misc - by well SHIT (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I talked to my husband about his lack of interest in sex. Apparently his definition is polar to mine; his is along the lines of cuddling. Not only did I wait until marriage to have sex with this man, apparently he prefers a permanent roommate without benefits. FML


I agree, your life sucks (53105) - you deserved it (10544)

On 02/25/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by OverIt (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was back home from work drinking coffee when I heard someone open the door with a key. It was my boyfriend, who obviously didn't expect to see me home. We don't live together, and I never gave him a key. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49094) - you deserved it (3927)

On 02/21/2014 at 4:59am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Russian Federation (Lipetsk)

Today, I'm stuck in a hotel with my psychotic mom, all because she swore there were "demonic" noises coming from our oven. Yeah, our oven is totally possessed, you idiot. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40200) - you deserved it (4606)

On 02/15/2014 at 3:51pm - misc - by fuck my goddamn life (man) - United States

Scarlatine's illustrated FML

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  • Are your abs well-toned and look like you’re made of metal? Feel like a machine ready to take whatever the crossfit fad can throw at you? Do you scream, ”Bro, do you Even lift?" at people during…

Monday 5 October 2015

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