newburton13

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Offline (the 05/03/2016 at 1:20am)

newburton13

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 18566
  • Number of comments : 770
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 55 posted

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newburton13's page activity

Visits<b>itsalanis</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 12:00pm<b>ChaoticGamer</b> - the 12/23/2015 at 11:07pm<b>Myorafield</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 11:43pm<b>mastorgaming</b> - the 11/30/2015 at 12:34am<b>lex1459</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 4:59am<b>loserface210</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 9:49pm<b>Marmarfarfar</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 8:53pm<b>andres1419</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 12:10am<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 9:32pm<b>carlfirebolt</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 4:21pm<b>alexisaurus</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 2:36pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 11:13pm<b>madison123xx</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 4:25pm<b>kukumber</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 6:51pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 2:52pm<b>taintedtruffle</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 11:35pm<b>EimP</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 8:12pm<b>KimmieHappyKat</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 12:51am

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 5:13am<b>madison123xx</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 10:26pm

newburton13's FML badges

Santa Claus

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Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

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newburton13's favorite FMLs

Today, I told one of my classmates for the third time that I'm not into guys and wasn't interested in going on a date with him. He just looked at me blankly and said "So I'll pick you up at 9?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2015 at 9:45am / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Work

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son had a secret party. At first I was mad, then I had a complete and total Incredible Hulk meltdown when I realized that he had opened a bottle of very expensive whiskey, originally bottled by my great great grandfather in Scotland, and used it as a mixer with fucking Pepsi. FML

by Angus / 09/17/2015 at 3:48pm / France / Kids

Today, my parents made me quit a school team that I absolutely loved, because women "aren't supposed to play sports." and were worried that if I stayed on the team, I'd develop a manly physique. FML

by Anonymous / 09/01/2015 at 1:02pm / Miscellaneous

Today, marks the third girlfriend in a row that has broken up with me for my terrible dandruff. I can't control it as I was born with psoriasis. All three girls called me pathetic for "making up" a disease to try to get them to stay. FML

by babypenguin00 / 08/29/2015 at 3:20pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, while in line at the supermarket, I told the lady behind me that she had a cute baby. She shot me a disgusted look and straight up accused me of being a pedophile. FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 2:49am / United States / Kids

Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2015 at 11:00am / South Africa / Kids

Today, I was walking to my car with 600 dollars worth of books because I start college next week, when I was robbed by some guy that sounded like Cartman. He punched me because I could not stop laughing whenever he would try to threaten me. FML

by OhWhoCares / 08/17/2015 at 5:34pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, to prove that my girlfriend is a "total skank", my best friend seduced her and showed me the video he secretly filmed of it. FML

by YES I MEAN *EX* GIRLFRIEND / 08/17/2015 at 4:14pm / Canada / Intimacy

Today, I had to fire an employee due to his staggering incompetence. The moment I said the F-word, he started fake-coughing, then loudly humming, then went to his desk and pretended not to hear anything I was saying. It took 3 of us to drag him out of the building kicking and screaming. FML

by bruised / 08/15/2015 at 11:47am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my car went missing. My sister constantly asks to borrow it, so I called her and asked if she had it. She swore blind that she didn't, so I called the cops and reported it stolen. They soon caught her driving the stolen vehicle. She blames me and is now telling everyone I set her up to be arrested. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2015 at 6:57am / Ukraine (Donets'ka Oblast') / Transportation

Today, I got a ticket for "suspicious driving" because my total shit of a mother kept tugging on the wheel to annoy me, and I still had to pay it. FML

by MomStayOutOfTheCar / 08/04/2015 at 12:23am / United States / Transportation

Today, I learned companies can legally lie to fire an employee, and unless anything they say is on record, they are legally correct, no matter how unethical the company is. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2015 at 5:50pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML

by stonehengeva / 07/26/2015 at 11:00pm / United States (Virginia) / Money

Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML

by stonehengeva / 07/26/2015 at 11:00pm / United States (Virginia) / Money