newbiehere99

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newbiehere99

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 15 February 1987 (29 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1799
  • Number of comments : 315
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About newbiehere99 : I don't look to people to give me what I already have. My confidence keeps me alive, my faith keeps me moving.

I'm really spontaneous. I'm only on this app for entertainment. I can be funny most of the time, but I also realize I'm not a comedian.

I actually dislike about me boxes -.-

newbiehere99's page activity

Visits<b>jessal</b> - the 10/17/2016 at 7:11am<b>flareman</b> - the 06/04/2016 at 9:15pm<b>Stripez234</b> - the 04/22/2016 at 1:28am<b>Emma1562</b> - the 04/20/2016 at 11:58pm<b>aneban</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 9:49pm<b>YoshiEgg</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 7:14pm<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 02/20/2016 at 1:59pm<b>Spiral061</b> - the 02/04/2016 at 4:22pm<b>LordGiblett</b> - the 01/09/2016 at 3:52pm<b>xXD3ath_Ang3lXx</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 3:26am<b>Walmartian2015</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 5:14pm<b>SoundGood</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 12:58pm<b>Feklfekl2222</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 1:59pm<b>Alienfran</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 8:42pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/09/2015 at 1:42pm<b>NthDakotaBeaches</b> - the 08/04/2015 at 1:40pm<b>nfedrichy</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 2:35pm<b>clumsyninja13</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 1:50pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/09/2015 at 7:42pm<b>clumsyninja13</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 7:50pm<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 8:49pm

newbiehere99's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of newbiehere99's badges

newbiehere99's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

by Dontwaketheneighbors / 12/06/2012 at 9:24am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was bartending. A guest was getting belligerent so I had to cut him off. He called me a bitch and threw the rest of his drink in my face before storming off. The belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend. FML

by FMyEx / 12/06/2012 at 6:50am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

by julia / 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, someone very close to me came out of the closet. Normally I would fully support them, had we not just gotten married. FML

by Bliggins / 11/27/2012 at 10:08pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Love

Today, I took a pregnancy test. When I saw that the result was positive, I started crying and showed my mom. She burst out laughing and told me that I had taken an ovulation test. FML

by I'm stupid / 11/25/2012 at 10:08am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, my step-mom threw out some of the "boxes of junk" in my room, because apparently, I'm a pack rat. I guess she and everyone else in my family won't be receiving those Christmas presents. FML

by WritingWrongs / 11/25/2012 at 8:28am / United States / Money

Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

by piemasterzim / 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm / Canada / Kids

Today, I'm in the hospital and it's been 44 hours since I've eaten anything. My doctors won't let me eat and my parents are sitting across the room, eating. FML

by RayneSong / 11/20/2012 at 6:25pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

by kinkicali / 11/20/2012 at 3:43am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML

by Anonymous / 11/18/2012 at 7:13am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I had to take my little brother to the pool. He acted like a brat the whole time, and when I told him we were leaving, he ran away, slipped, and hit his face on the tile floor. He told my dad and step-mom I punched him. They believed him, and I'm grounded for two months. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2012 at 7:41pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend came and sat on my lap. She landed directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. FML

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML

by poserpilot / 11/12/2012 at 10:10am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boyfriend of three years, whom I recently got engaged to, asked me to take a photo of my mother's boobs while she was sleeping so that he could see what mine would look like when I got older. FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2012 at 8:29am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mum, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML

by notalovestory / 11/11/2012 at 5:48pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love