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natheitz's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic and trick me into missing my flight, so he could spend another day with me before I have to return to Asia for work. There is nothing romantic about spending 2 hours trying to sort out a new international itinerary with Delta's automated menus. FML
by ak47nd / 09/17/2015 at 10:37pm / China (Liaoning) / Love
Today, my roommate remembered that we have an essay due Monday, so he wrote the full essay, while stoned, in less than an hour, without using his textbook. It was better than the one I spent all week writing. He is now upstairs having sex, and I've lost all motivation. FML
by anonymous / 09/13/2015 at 11:34am / Luxembourg / Work
by nah / 09/09/2015 at 3:55pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I had an argument with my boyfriend who was accusing me of only being in a relationship with him because I'd fantasised about being with an Asian. When I told him he was wrong, he asked me what attracted me to him in the first place. "Your eyes" was definitely the wrong answer. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I said I wouldn't find her attractive in 20 years. What I actually said was that I wouldn't sleep with her mother now, who happens to be 20 years older than her. FML
by Shelling Ford / 08/25/2015 at 7:55am / Germany (Bayern) / Love
Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML
by Anon / 08/25/2015 at 6:10am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 2:49am / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/21/2015 at 1:55am / United States (California) / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/18/2015 at 8:34am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, it's been a week since I started farting in my sleep for no apparent reason. It's so frequent and so foul-smelling that my husband and I are both losing sleep and are having to take afternoon naps to make up for it. FML
by Fartnonymous / 08/18/2015 at 6:59am / Qatar (Ad Dawhah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking to my car with 600 dollars worth of books because I start college next week, when I was robbed by some guy that sounded like Cartman. He punched me because I could not stop laughing whenever he would try to threaten me. FML
by OhWhoCares / 08/17/2015 at 5:34pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/17/2015 at 4:33am / United States / Health
by extremereviews / 08/16/2015 at 6:14pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by IceWrath / 08/16/2015 at 4:14am / United Kingdom (York) / Miscellaneous
by fire starter / 08/16/2015 at 12:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or… Today, I’m on vacation in Tunisia. Having trouble with the heat at night, I tried sleeping outside…