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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
natheitz's favorite FMLs
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
by afather / 06/14/2015 at 9:41am / United States (South Dakota) / Kids
by sorrystupid / 06/02/2015 at 3:42am / United States / Money
Today, a guy hit on me. It's such a rare occurrence that I didn't know how to react, so I panicked and said "Sorry, I have to go!" Then I remembered we were on a bus, and just turned around and awkwardly pretended he wasn't there. FML
by Anonymous / 05/31/2015 at 9:58am / United States / Transportation
by Anonymous / 05/30/2015 at 3:28am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2015 at 11:51pm / Australia / Kids
by Anon / 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by danceinconverse / 05/22/2015 at 4:11pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML
by Anonymous / 05/22/2015 at 2:17pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Kids
Today, I decided to get in shape for swimsuit season, so I went to the gym. I tried to lift a barbell up and over my head, which was fine, until I dropped it. Exercise earned me a concussion and a neck brace. FML
by crossfitter / 05/21/2015 at 8:22am / Health
Today, my brother changed my Google+ name without asking. He has done this before and I fixed it by just changing it back. Turns out Google has a 3-time limit per year for how many times you can change your name. Now I'm stuck with "Poop" for my YouTube name for a year. FML
by KittKatt / 05/20/2015 at 1:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML
by nityasomaiya / 05/16/2015 at 1:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by cricketsins / 05/14/2015 at 1:11am / United States / Animals
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
by Anonymous / 05/13/2015 at 10:37pm / United Kingdom / Health
by Anonymous / 05/11/2015 at 2:59am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by pissed / 05/10/2015 at 10:34am / United States (Michigan) / Work