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natheitz's favorite FMLs
Today, I bailed my brother out of jail for violating a restraining order filed against him by his ex. I dropped him off at the place he told me he was staying at. Turned out it was his ex's house, and now he's in jail again. FML
by Anonymous / 01/08/2016 at 1:23pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I recently burned both my hands at work so I had to ask my husband for help changing my tampon, but he refused saying it would make him feel sick. This from the man who routinely sticks his tongue in my asshole when we have sex. FML
by anne / 01/07/2016 at 7:00am / Germany / Intimacy
by good job brain / 12/30/2015 at 4:07am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I was bitched out by my shrew of a mother for getting engaged, to a man. She's not homophobic, but rather pissed off because gay marriage is "trendy" and she wants me to be "above that nonsense". Hurray for love. FML
by Anonymous / 12/23/2015 at 4:06am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I finally realized the toll working as a cashier 5 days a week during the holidays does to your psyche. I just said "Welcome To Walgreens", out of pure reflex, to my cat as she walked into my kitchen. FML
by Deweyboy / 12/21/2015 at 1:01pm / United States / Work
Today, I was giving my friend a crash course in Star Wars over coffee. As I was telling him about the primitive and savage Sand People, some attention-seeking tit came out of nowhere and called me racist. Apparently she thought I was talking about people from the Middle East. FML
by Anonymous / 12/18/2015 at 2:58pm / Australia (Victoria) / Geek
by Anon / 12/05/2015 at 6:15pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I presented my assigned chapter for a book we're currently reading in my English class. I really like the book, so I've been reading ahead. When I summarized the chapter, I accidentally spoiled a major plot twist that was actually in the next chapter. FML
by shake666 / 12/04/2015 at 12:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anon / 12/04/2015 at 2:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, through a mutual friend I met with a girl from Netherlands for dinner. At some point, she told me I have an Antillean accent, referring to the Dutch Antilles. I was born and raised nowhere near those islands, but my former boyfriend of 5 years is Antillean. Now I have his accent. FML
by notfromanisland / 12/04/2015 at 12:41am / Miscellaneous
Today, a police officer pulled me over. He asked me where I was headed, so I jokingly replied, "Probably to jail after you run my name". He laughed and took my information, only to then arrest me for unpaid parking tickets I never received. FML
by Nightbird827 / 12/02/2015 at 9:34am / Miscellaneous
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 5:03am / United States (California) / Health
by badmom / 11/06/2015 at 12:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I got fired from my dream job. I found out today that the girl who trained me lied and taught me how to do things wrong, so that when she got back from maternity leave, she could get me fired and take her job back. My new coworkers were in on her plan from the beginning. FML
by sabotaged / 11/01/2015 at 7:05pm / United States (California) / Work