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natheitz's favorite FMLs
Today, I was giving my friend a crash course in Star Wars over coffee. As I was telling him about the primitive and savage Sand People, some attention-seeking tit came out of nowhere and called me racist. Apparently she thought I was talking about people from the Middle East. FML
by Anonymous / 12/18/2015 at 2:58pm / Australia (Victoria) / Geek
by Anon / 12/05/2015 at 6:15pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I presented my assigned chapter for a book we're currently reading in my English class. I really like the book, so I've been reading ahead. When I summarized the chapter, I accidentally spoiled a major plot twist that was actually in the next chapter. FML
by shake666 / 12/04/2015 at 12:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anon / 12/04/2015 at 2:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, through a mutual friend I met with a girl from Netherlands for dinner. At some point, she told me I have an Antillean accent, referring to the Dutch Antilles. I was born and raised nowhere near those islands, but my former boyfriend of 5 years is Antillean. Now I have his accent. FML
by notfromanisland / 12/04/2015 at 12:41am / Miscellaneous
Today, a police officer pulled me over. He asked me where I was headed, so I jokingly replied, "Probably to jail after you run my name". He laughed and took my information, only to then arrest me for unpaid parking tickets I never received. FML
by Nightbird827 / 12/02/2015 at 9:34am / Miscellaneous
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 5:03am / United States (California) / Health
by badmom / 11/06/2015 at 12:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I got fired from my dream job. I found out today that the girl who trained me lied and taught me how to do things wrong, so that when she got back from maternity leave, she could get me fired and take her job back. My new coworkers were in on her plan from the beginning. FML
by sabotaged / 11/01/2015 at 7:05pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I tried to hold my new boyfriend's hand while on a date. He let go quickly though, letting me know that we aren't at "that stage" of the relationship yet. We've been having sex for two weeks now. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2015 at 12:10am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
Today, I called a doctor's office for a referral. I was in public, so when she asked me what type of issue I had, I mumbled that I had a vaginal issue. After painstakingly having to repeat this several times, she said she was asking what kind of insurance I have. FML
by Anonymous / 10/25/2015 at 9:13am / United States (Florida) / Transportation
by AlwaysAfraid / 10/23/2015 at 6:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Muina / 10/23/2015 at 7:08am / Morocco (Meknes-Tafilalet) / Money
- Today, half-way through my trip to Florida, I received a call from my friend of six years. "I sort… Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my… Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it…
- Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was… Today, I was driving in a straight line on a completely deserted road in the open bush. I sneezed… Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual…