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natheitz's favorite FMLs
Today, despite hints, suggestions, and even blatant criticism, my coworker refuses to believe he smells like rotten donkey nuts. He says he only needs to shower once a week, and that he doesn't believe in deodorant. I volunteered to do an extra autopsy today because the morgue smells better. FML
by ragnarok1540 / 02/17/2016 at 11:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, I worked such a long shift at Panera that when my boyfriend called later, I answered, "It's a fresh day at Panera Bread in [town], this is [name] speaking. How may I help you?" He thought it was hilarious. FML
by Anonymous / 02/17/2016 at 7:53pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
by Anonymous / 02/17/2016 at 7:32am / Netherlands / Love
Today, after a week of waiting to hear something about my stolen car, I got a letter in the mail saying it had been impounded the same day I reported it stolen, but they don't share a database with the police so they never called. Now the impound wants $900 plus $120 for the tow to release it. FML
by Jeezus / 02/15/2016 at 10:00pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money
by All the ills / 02/15/2016 at 3:32pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
by Anonymous / 02/14/2016 at 4:15am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Health
by candy / 02/11/2016 at 7:24am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Shiet / 02/09/2016 at 11:08pm / Singapore / Miscellaneous
by Asian / 02/07/2016 at 2:03pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Coccinelle / 02/05/2016 at 11:36am / France / Work
Today, I visited my 90-year-old great-grandmother and her boyfriend. This wouldn't be a problem, if this boyfriend wasn't different than the one she had yesterday. She told me not to tell him about "the other one". FML
by anon / 02/01/2016 at 11:37am / United States / Love
by onlyjuggalos / 01/31/2016 at 3:13am / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 01/18/2016 at 8:46pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up from an amazing dream I was having about my girlfriend. We were laughing and holding hands, the kind of dream I wanted to stay asleep for. When I finally got up, I was excited to tell her about the dream but then I remembered. We broke up a week ago. FML
by Anonymous / 01/18/2016 at 5:30pm / United States / Love
Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man looked me straight in the eye and said: "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML
by Anonymous / 01/17/2016 at 5:02am / United States / Animals