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natheitz's favorite FMLs
by Agamar / 02/23/2016 at 12:00am / United States (Illinois) / Health
by noooooo / 02/21/2016 at 11:03am / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, while taking a bus full of loud, rambunctious elementary children to school, the bus slowly slid off the road into a ditch. After waiting 30 minutes that felt like hours, I saw the tow truck arriving from the opposite direction also slide slowly off the roadway into the opposite ditch. FML
by womanoski / 02/20/2016 at 12:56pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
by Anonymous / 02/20/2016 at 7:53am / United Kingdom (Merton) / Love
Today, I woke up at 3:45 AM to fly to Pittsburgh to sample classes at a university there. After all that flying and sitting in traffic for 2 hours, I finally got to attend to my first class. I fell asleep during it. FML
by elow72 / 02/19/2016 at 4:47pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Transportation
Today, I finally treated myself and bought my first moisturizer. The woman at Sephora promised it would "retexturize my face." If by "retexturize" she meant, "make it feel like a rubber balloon," then she was right on the money. FML
by balloonface / 02/18/2016 at 2:48am / United States (California) / Health
Today, after interviewing for a promotion to a position that was created with me in mind, I eagerly accepted a call from my boss, expecting good news. Turns out, they found a better applicant, who they don't believe will need support from the position I currently hold, so it's being eliminated. FML
by anon_smh / 02/17/2016 at 11:37pm / United States (Montana) / Work
Today, despite hints, suggestions, and even blatant criticism, my coworker refuses to believe he smells like rotten donkey nuts. He says he only needs to shower once a week, and that he doesn't believe in deodorant. I volunteered to do an extra autopsy today because the morgue smells better. FML
by ragnarok1540 / 02/17/2016 at 11:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, I worked such a long shift at Panera that when my boyfriend called later, I answered, "It's a fresh day at Panera Bread in [town], this is [name] speaking. How may I help you?" He thought it was hilarious. FML
by Anonymous / 02/17/2016 at 7:53pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
by Anonymous / 02/17/2016 at 7:32am / Netherlands / Love
Today, after a week of waiting to hear something about my stolen car, I got a letter in the mail saying it had been impounded the same day I reported it stolen, but they don't share a database with the police so they never called. Now the impound wants $900 plus $120 for the tow to release it. FML
by Jeezus / 02/15/2016 at 10:00pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money
by All the ills / 02/15/2016 at 3:32pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
by Anonymous / 02/14/2016 at 4:15am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Health
by candy / 02/11/2016 at 7:24am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Shiet / 02/09/2016 at 11:08pm / Singapore / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of…