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You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
natheitz's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/18/2016 at 8:46pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up from an amazing dream I was having about my girlfriend. We were laughing and holding hands, the kind of dream I wanted to stay asleep for. When I finally got up, I was excited to tell her about the dream but then I remembered. We broke up a week ago. FML
by Anonymous / 01/18/2016 at 5:30pm / United States / Love
Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man looked me straight in the eye and said: "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML
by Anonymous / 01/17/2016 at 5:02am / United States / Animals
Today, I bailed my brother out of jail for violating a restraining order filed against him by his ex. I dropped him off at the place he told me he was staying at. Turned out it was his ex's house, and now he's in jail again. FML
by Anonymous / 01/08/2016 at 1:23pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I recently burned both my hands at work so I had to ask my husband for help changing my tampon, but he refused saying it would make him feel sick. This from the man who routinely sticks his tongue in my asshole when we have sex. FML
by anne / 01/07/2016 at 7:00am / Germany / Intimacy
by good job brain / 12/30/2015 at 4:07am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I was bitched out by my shrew of a mother for getting engaged, to a man. She's not homophobic, but rather pissed off because gay marriage is "trendy" and she wants me to be "above that nonsense". Hurray for love. FML
by Anonymous / 12/23/2015 at 4:06am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I finally realized the toll working as a cashier 5 days a week during the holidays does to your psyche. I just said "Welcome To Walgreens", out of pure reflex, to my cat as she walked into my kitchen. FML
by Deweyboy / 12/21/2015 at 1:01pm / United States / Work
Today, I was giving my friend a crash course in Star Wars over coffee. As I was telling him about the primitive and savage Sand People, some attention-seeking tit came out of nowhere and called me racist. Apparently she thought I was talking about people from the Middle East. FML
by Anonymous / 12/18/2015 at 2:58pm / Australia (Victoria) / Geek
by Anon / 12/05/2015 at 6:15pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I presented my assigned chapter for a book we're currently reading in my English class. I really like the book, so I've been reading ahead. When I summarized the chapter, I accidentally spoiled a major plot twist that was actually in the next chapter. FML
by shake666 / 12/04/2015 at 12:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anon / 12/04/2015 at 2:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, through a mutual friend I met with a girl from Netherlands for dinner. At some point, she told me I have an Antillean accent, referring to the Dutch Antilles. I was born and raised nowhere near those islands, but my former boyfriend of 5 years is Antillean. Now I have his accent. FML
by notfromanisland / 12/04/2015 at 12:41am / Miscellaneous
Today, a police officer pulled me over. He asked me where I was headed, so I jokingly replied, "Probably to jail after you run my name". He laughed and took my information, only to then arrest me for unpaid parking tickets I never received. FML
by Nightbird827 / 12/02/2015 at 9:34am / Miscellaneous
- Today, I walked in on my Mum and Dad having sex and didn't even realize what they were doing until… Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I… Today, my boyfriend wouldn't lick the whipped cream I had on my nipples because "That stuff is full…