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natheitz's favorite FMLs
Today, despite hints, suggestions, and even blatant criticism, my coworker refuses to believe he smells like rotten donkey nuts. He says he only needs to shower once a week, and that he doesn't believe in deodorant. I volunteered to do an extra autopsy today because the morgue smells better. FML
by ragnarok1540 / 02/17/2016 at 11:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, I worked such a long shift at Panera that when my boyfriend called later, I answered, "It's a fresh day at Panera Bread in [town], this is [name] speaking. How may I help you?" He thought it was hilarious. FML
by Anonymous / 02/17/2016 at 7:53pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
by Anonymous / 02/17/2016 at 7:32am / Netherlands / Love
Today, after a week of waiting to hear something about my stolen car, I got a letter in the mail saying it had been impounded the same day I reported it stolen, but they don't share a database with the police so they never called. Now the impound wants $900 plus $120 for the tow to release it. FML
by Jeezus / 02/15/2016 at 10:00pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money
by All the ills / 02/15/2016 at 3:32pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
by Anonymous / 02/14/2016 at 4:15am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Health
by candy / 02/11/2016 at 7:24am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Shiet / 02/09/2016 at 11:08pm / Singapore / Miscellaneous
by Asian / 02/07/2016 at 2:03pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Coccinelle / 02/05/2016 at 11:36am / France / Work
Today, I visited my 90-year-old great-grandmother and her boyfriend. This wouldn't be a problem, if this boyfriend wasn't different than the one she had yesterday. She told me not to tell him about "the other one". FML
by anon / 02/01/2016 at 11:37am / United States / Love
by onlyjuggalos / 01/31/2016 at 3:13am / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 01/18/2016 at 8:46pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up from an amazing dream I was having about my girlfriend. We were laughing and holding hands, the kind of dream I wanted to stay asleep for. When I finally got up, I was excited to tell her about the dream but then I remembered. We broke up a week ago. FML
by Anonymous / 01/18/2016 at 5:30pm / United States / Love
Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man looked me straight in the eye and said: "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML
by Anonymous / 01/17/2016 at 5:02am / United States / Animals
- Today, I finally finished the short story that is my last assignment of high school! I also found a… Today, I just finished treating my cat for fleas and bombing my apartment and washing everything. I… Today,me and my little brother were walking back from school. He tripped and started crying. As I…