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natheitz's favorite FMLs
Today, I lay in bed reflecting on my fiancé's complaint about my lack of displays of affection. I felt terrible, so I rolled over and hugged him in his sleep. He's a fully trained martial artist and his immediate reaction was to try to snap my neck. FML
by bruised / 04/11/2016 at 3:26am / United States (Michigan) / Love
by humanshield / 04/10/2016 at 12:49pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
by Anonymous / 04/09/2016 at 11:26am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took a girl to a sushi restaurant for our first date. She insisted she's had sushi before, but I had to watch her struggle with the chopsticks for a few minutes before mercifully asking the waitress for a fork. She then ate a fork full of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I think there won't be a second date. FML
by John_Elvis / 04/08/2016 at 11:30pm / United States (Indiana) / Love
by anonymous / 04/03/2016 at 5:50pm / United States (Florida) / Health
by Anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 3:47pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Holidays
by Kelly1995 / 03/21/2016 at 4:20pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, in my self-defense class, we did an attack simulation. As I began to hit my attacker, my fist hit the top of his helmet, dislocating my shoulder. I then spent the next hour in the ER sobbing until it was popped back in. I need to learn to defend myself against myself. FML
by inpain / 03/17/2016 at 12:56am / United States (California) / Health
Today, at my brother's baseball practice, two 6 year-old girls wanted a piggy back ride. I get this a lot due to my size, so after telling their mom how good I was with kids, I let one get on my back. I then promptly tripped over a puppy and face planted, resulting in a crying child. FML
by toot_toot_turtle / 03/16/2016 at 11:41pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
Today, after returning to work from a week-long sickness, I sent out an apologetic email to all of my clients to explain my lack of communication due to absence. I realised afterwards I had put the subject line as 'Absense'. And sent it to all of my clients. FML
by absense / 03/16/2016 at 3:43am / United Kingdom / Work
Today, I forgot my phone on the roof of my car. I took a 30 minute drive from my friend's city to my city. I got on to my driveway, surprised to see my phone still there. Thinking I'm really lucky, I pick up my phone. Then, I trip over a pebble, cracking my phone in the process. FML
by Anonymous / 03/11/2016 at 7:20am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I introduced my kind and amazing Iranian boyfriend to my mother. When he went to use the rest room, she warned me to "knock it off with this Bin Laden fetish" or she'll have me put on psychiatric hold. FML
by Anonymous / 03/05/2016 at 1:58am / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Love
by MitchRapp / 03/04/2016 at 5:11pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by NotBeingPaidEnough / 03/03/2016 at 8:17am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work
Today, my psycho ex defaced my car. She didn't key it or slash my tires. She posted "TRUMP 2016" bumper stickers all over it. I don't know what glue they use, but it's been 2 hours and I haven't gotten any of them off. FML
by Baegel / 03/01/2016 at 8:52pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous