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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
natheitz's favorite FMLs
Today, I introduced my kind and amazing Iranian boyfriend to my mother. When he went to use the rest room, she warned me to "knock it off with this Bin Laden fetish" or she'll have me put on psychiatric hold. FML
by Anonymous / 03/05/2016 at 1:58am / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Love
by MitchRapp / 03/04/2016 at 5:11pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by NotBeingPaidEnough / 03/03/2016 at 8:17am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work
Today, my psycho ex defaced my car. She didn't key it or slash my tires. She posted "TRUMP 2016" bumper stickers all over it. I don't know what glue they use, but it's been 2 hours and I haven't gotten any of them off. FML
by Baegel / 03/01/2016 at 8:52pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I've recently become serious about getting fit, and have lost nearly 84 pounds. Apparently, when I was fat, I made her look smaller in comparison. When I got slimmer, she insisted I either gain the weight back or she'd leave. So she did. FML
by Anonymous / 02/28/2016 at 10:57am / United Kingdom / Love
Today, my best friend said we couldn't be friends anymore because I'm too depressed or too happy all the time. After explaining for half an hour what bipolar depression was and how I have it he just said, "Bullshit!" FML
by nobody / 02/27/2016 at 8:36pm / United States (California) / Work
by RandomMe / 02/26/2016 at 3:00am / Cambodia / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 02/25/2016 at 4:55pm / United States / Health
Today, at preschool, I got to meet the mother of my daughter's best friend. She complimented mine's grades, and noted her quirkiness. I complimented her's for being congenial and being well-rounded. Later, my daughter said they are no longer besties because her mom said I called her daughter fat. FML
by Anonymous / 02/24/2016 at 3:35pm / Philippines / Kids
by NurseGabby / 02/24/2016 at 2:26pm / United States (Alabama) / Work
Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML
by stupid drunk bitch / 02/24/2016 at 1:37pm / United States (New York) / Love
by Agamar / 02/23/2016 at 12:00am / United States (Illinois) / Health
by noooooo / 02/21/2016 at 11:03am / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, while taking a bus full of loud, rambunctious elementary children to school, the bus slowly slid off the road into a ditch. After waiting 30 minutes that felt like hours, I saw the tow truck arriving from the opposite direction also slide slowly off the roadway into the opposite ditch. FML
by womanoski / 02/20/2016 at 12:56pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
by Anonymous / 02/20/2016 at 7:53am / United Kingdom (Merton) / Love