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narrowords's favorite FMLs
Today, I was walking with and hugging my girlfriend at the same time. I tried to be funny and touched her breast, saying "Boob" in a silly voice. In reply, she slapped me in the crotch, saying "Dick" in the same voice. FML
by Anonymous / 11/21/2010 at 3:01am / Mexico (Morelos) / Intimacy
Today, I took my two-year-old daughter swimming. While sitting in the hot tub, my daughter pointed to the elderly man sitting across from us and mumbled something. I couldn't understand her, so I asked her to repeat it. After two more attempts, she shouted, "MOM! He has big boobs!" FML
by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 1:09am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, I jokingly asked my husband if he had ever cheated on me. In the most sincere and honest tone, he said "if I ever have or ever will, there's no way you would ever find out. I love you too much to lose you", and gave me a hug. FML
by spockswifey / 11/03/2010 at 2:40am / United States / Intimacy
by nk / 11/03/2010 at 12:39am / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
by djoe / 10/28/2010 at 8:00am / Australia (South Australia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/27/2010 at 2:01am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I went to the library to pick up Romeo and Juliet, for my English class. After looking around for half an hour, I asked the librarian. "I couldn't find Shakespeare anywhere. Where could I find him?" She quickly replied "He's dead", giggled to herself, and went back to her work. FML
by skippy_liz / 10/26/2010 at 3:48am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/25/2010 at 8:22pm / United States (California) / Work
by rockefoe / 10/20/2010 at 2:41pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was casually looking through my girlfriend's phone while she got ready, though she made me promise not to. To my confusion, I discovered that she had me listed as 'Saturday' in her contacts. There was also a Thursday, Friday and Sunday listed. I only ever see her on Saturdays. FML
by iprobablyhaveherpes / 10/20/2010 at 12:47am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
Today, I received two cards in the mail for my late husband for his birthday. He has been dead for four years now, and the cards were from our two children, who live several states away. This is the fourth time it's happened, and neither of them answer my calls. Ever. FML
by widow / 10/19/2010 at 6:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by lookslikeaboyapparently / 10/19/2010 at 5:23pm / United Kingdom (Falkirk) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML
by Anonymous / 10/07/2010 at 2:29am / United States (Oregon) / Health
- Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By… Today, my boyfriend was really stressed about a guy he works with being a jerk. I told him "if you… Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I…